Bloggerstock: Stop the World!

Hey guys! So, it's Bloggerstock time, again. This month's theme was "Stop World, I want to get on/off!". I'm writing over at Cerebral Lunchbox. So be sure to stop by over there. Here is one of my bloggy friends, Bobby. Hope you enjoy!

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Hello readers.  Today Bloggerstock is about stopping the world.  I actually have 2 moments when I wanted the world to stop completely but not get on or off.  Both of these moments occurred at the end of last year.  Let get started, shall we?

The first moment came when my sister had her second wedding in Fells Point in Baltimore.  It may come as a shock to you, but I hardly go into the city of Baltimore.  Last time I was there was during a field trip in high school (11 plus years ago) to an Orioles baseball game.    I had intentions to just skip the wedding and go around the harbor and the neighborhood to sight see.  I know that may sound mean but come on - this wedding was taking place at a small bar filled with 50 people.  It got cramped pretty quickly.  Plan was to watch the ceremony, then skip out on the reception.  Why sit around when I could have walked about the city?  Unfortunately, Mother Nature was not on my side.  When I got closer to the location, a light rain started to fall.  I prayed that it would let up soon.  Nope.  Once the wedding started, the rain really started to fall, and didn’t stop til four hours later.  Really put a damper on my plans.  As I was sitting at the wedding looking outside the window, I wanted the world to stop.  Let me go explore the city then come back and then resume my life.

Second moment is a rather sad one.  Two weeks before Christmas, my grandmother (mom’s side) had trouble breathing.  She was a heavy smoker.  She was taken to the hospital to get checked out, and had to stay for a few days.  Then her doctor cleared her to go home.  I was excited because I would go up to see her during Christmas.  But shortly before Christmas came, she passed away.  I felt awful that I never got the chance to go see her when she got back from the hospital.  I wanted the world to stop.  If I had the option, I would rewind time and just spend some moments with her.  She was an awesome grandmother.  I miss her very much.

Those are my 2 moments of wanting to stop the world.  Thank you for reading.  Thanks to Lily for hosting my blog.  Be sure to check out my blog at BooyaBobby.  The talented Dapper Daisy will be posting her Bloggerstock.  Again Thanks for reading.  :)

This probably shouldn't be posted...

Having divorced parents is hard.

I had to spend an extra 2.50$ for an extra tassel so my dad wouldn’t feel sad. I hate that. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I love my dad lots. But, he acts like he was the only person to ever encourage me in school … the way I remember it was I would get my ass handed to me if I got anything less than a B. And when I failed out of college, he didn’t speak to me for months…

That’s not exactly supportive. At least not in my eyes. Not when my mom was the one encouraging me to try again. Plus, my mom has all our tassels. And has them cutely arranged with our cap, and our diplomas.

I bought it anyway. Even though a part of me didn’t want to. Maybe it’s not a big deal, but to me it just seems like one. Y’know… because I’m a drama queen.

Day 30 and Happy Birthday

A letter to yourself, telling yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

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Dear Lily,

You are way awesome. Like seriously.

You’re kinda awesome to your siblings. Who else would get their brother an iPhone? Or buy their little sister 5 birthday presents? No one.

You’re also pretty dedicated to things you do.

You’re funny.
You’re sweet.

You’re a good friend … to those who matter, anyway.

And you don’t take bullshit from anyone.

I hope that you continue to be as awesome as you have been.

Love,
<3 Lily<3

PS Happy birthday, have lots of cake.

Thirty Days of Truth (1) Something you hate about yourself. (2)Something you love about yourself. (3) Something you have to forgive yourself for. (4) Something you have to forgive someone for. (5) Something you hope to do in your life. (6) Something you hope you never have to do. (7) Someone who has made your life worth living for. (8) Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. (9) Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. (10) Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. (11) Something people seem to compliment you the most on. (12) Something you never get compliments on. (13) A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) (14) A hero that has let you down. (letter) (15) Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. (16) Someone or something you definitely could live without. (17) A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. (18) Your views on gay marriage. (19) What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? (20)views on drugs and alcohol. (21) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? (22) Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. (23) Something you wish you had done in your life. (24) Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) (25) The reason you believe you’re still alive today. (26) Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? (27) What’s the best thing going for you right now? (28) What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? (29) Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. (30) A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

30DOT: Day 29

29) Something you hope to change about yourself. And why

There’s a lot of things I would like to change. I mean, I’m not a perfect specimen. I wish I were. But even aside from all the superficial things I would change there are still alot of things I’d change in a heartbeat.

Being super emotional about everything is one. Seriously. It’s a problem. I could be watching a television show and something sad happens and I cry. Like last night, I was watching GRΣΣK, and one of the character’s has an emotional break up. I cried along with him. (That sounds so lame reading it back to myself.) This just needs to change because crying at tv shows, and during scripted weddings cool.

Being super mean is also another one. I don’t know why I’m mean to people. I just am. I just get a bit of mean-girl-itis and take it to new levels each time I get it. Maybe it’s something all girls experience, but I notice that I end up being mean to people I care about, mostly. But then again, sometimes I just think they deserve it. Like yesterday when I told my friend I was going to hang out with some of my other friends, and that was going to include drinking at a bar. She’s 20, so she can’t get in. You’d think she would understand that we’re not hanging out because I’m going drinking with adults who are 21 or have fake IDs. So she was like “well if we’re not going to hang out, tell me” … so I responded with a “what don’t you get about me going to a bar? Oh, right, you can’t get in… and what don’t you understand about that?”. Either I should be nicer, or people just need to stop being stupid.

Thirty Days of Truth (1) Something you hate about yourself. (2)Something you love about yourself. (3) Something you have to forgive yourself for. (4) Something you have to forgive someone for. (5) Something you hope to do in your life. (6) Something you hope you never have to do. (7) Someone who has made your life worth living for. (8) Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. (9) Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. (10) Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. (11) Something people seem to compliment you the most on. (12) Something you never get compliments on. (13) A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) (14) A hero that has let you down. (letter) (15) Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. (16) Someone or something you definitely could live without. (17) A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. (18) Your views on gay marriage. (19) What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? (20)views on drugs and alcohol. (21) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? (22) Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. (23) Something you wish you had done in your life. (24) Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) (25) The reason you believe you’re still alive today. (26) Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? (27) What’s the best thing going for you right now? (28) What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? (29) Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. (30) A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

Happiest day of my life.... and Day 28

I've been waiting to hear from my school if I was going to be able to graduate in May. I applied way back in December, and had overheard people say that they had been approved and applied near the deadline. Naturally, I began to think that I wasn't approved and went on a mission to find out. 

Last Thursday, I asked my advisor who directed me to the Registrar's Office, but assured me that she didn't think the Registrar's had sent out letters. 

Not being content with that answer, I went to the Registrar's the day midterm grades were due (Tuesday). It was full of professors trying to turn in grades. I'm pretty sure the people at the office didn't really want to deal with students. The person who attended me sent me to the Advising Office. 

This was probably the most helpful of all. The two women I spoke to told me that the Registrar's handles everything dealing with graduation, but that if I was really in need of knowing the Student Services' Office could give me a better idea. But, they also assured me that letters hadn't gone out. 

I'm impatient, so for the hell of it, I went to Student Services. The receptionist there doesn't really like me. This goes back to my financial aid debacle, but that's another story... She said they don't handle anything dealing with graduation (which is a lie, they distribute tickets, grad announcements and stole and cords), and that I had to call the regional offices. 

I called, and the person who answered told me that's the Registrar's job. 

I basically went on a wild goose chase. My plan was to go back on Thursday to find out what was up, and quite possibly yelling at them for making me go all over the place. But, today, I this:

Best birthday present ever. 

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Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

If I got pregnant right now…. What would I do?

Keep it.

There was a time that I didn’t want kids. At all. They just disgusted me for some reason. But after most of my friends started having them, I began warming up to the idea that a little baby would be a good idea.

If I were to take a pee-pee test and it came back positive, I’d be happy. I don’t think I would even think twice about keeping it.

And if the person who got me pregnant isn’t ready, that’s cool. I can maintain.

Thirty Days of Truth (1) Something you hate about yourself. (2)Something you love about yourself. (3) Something you have to forgive yourself for. (4) Something you have to forgive someone for. (5) Something you hope to do in your life. (6) Something you hope you never have to do. (7) Someone who has made your life worth living for. (8) Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. (9) Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. (10) Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. (11) Something people seem to compliment you the most on. (12) Something you never get compliments on. (13) A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) (14) A hero that has let you down. (letter) (15) Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. (16) Someone or something you definitely could live without. (17) A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. (18) Your views on gay marriage. (19) What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? (20)views on drugs and alcohol. (21) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? (22) Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. (23) Something you wish you had done in your life. (24) Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) (25) The reason you believe you’re still alive today. (26) Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? (27) What’s the best thing going for you right now? (28) What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? (29) Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. (30) A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

30DOT: Day 27

(27) What’s the best thing going for you right now?

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Friendships.

Right now they’re the best thing ever.

Making new friends: I’ve made a few new friends here and there. Mostly all on 20sb.net. Some in classes. Either way. They all make me feel fuzzy inside. From random emails or random texts, I cherish them all.

Rekindling old friendships: These are the hardest of all. But, I’m glad that even though some friends and I have lost touch for whatever reason, that we were able to pick up our friendship like if we had just said good night and it’s the next day.

Getting rid of toxic friends: I think one can only receive so many text asking what kind of coat you’re wearing, or what kind of shoes, or jeans you’re wearing a day without thinking someone is creepy. Sorry, we don’t need to match. But this isn’t the toxicity friendship. But, I think there are things you shouldn’t tell your friends… like “you’re mean, and you don’t deserve to be happy” or “I hope that your boyfriend cheats on you”. Those are just things you don’t do… no matter how angry your friend has made you. You just don’t.

There’s nothing like friends who enable you. You know, the type of friends who go out drinking with you after a class in which you had an exam that you know you failed. And then they share a BIG plate of bread pudding with you.

Thirty Days of Truth (1) Something you hate about yourself. (2)Something you love about yourself. (3) Something you have to forgive yourself for. (4) Something you have to forgive someone for. (5) Something you hope to do in your life. (6) Something you hope you never have to do. (7) Someone who has made your life worth living for. (8) Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. (9) Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. (10) Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. (11) Something people seem to compliment you the most on. (12) Something you never get compliments on. (13) A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) (14) A hero that has let you down. (letter) (15) Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. (16) Someone or something you definitely could live without. (17) A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. (18) Your views on gay marriage. (19) What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? (20)views on drugs and alcohol. (21) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? (22) Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. (23) Something you wish you had done in your life. (24) Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) (25) The reason you believe you’re still alive today. (26) Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? (27) What’s the best thing going for you right now? (28) What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? (29) Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. (30) A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

30DOT: Day 26

(26) Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

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Like when haven’t I thought about giving up one life?

But, there was only really once.

This is the story about how I ended up going to my number 3 school. After crying, deciding not to go to college.

I fell in love with my number one school during my junior year in high school. From the minute I got off the bus during an open house, I knew that was the place I wanted to go to for the next four years. When I decided to apply, my high school’s guidance counselor said that they offered a free ride to a student from our school. I was ecstatic. Imagine not having to pay a private school’s tuition, room and board, and textbooks. I knew no one from my class wanted to go there, so everyone said I was a shoe-in. The worst part is, I believed it.

All my acceptance letters kept pouring in. I made the decision of where I wanted to go quickly. I waited patiently to learn if I had gotten the full ride. It never came.

I decided to pay the guidance counselor a visit, but she was too busy. I just wanted to ask if she had heard anything, but like 60% of our class who had not applied to any colleges were overcrowding the little office in an effort to get their name on the college acceptance bulletin board.

Then I got the news. On my 18th birthday. That I, Lily, who had dreamed of Number 1 school for two years, did not get the free ride.

I’m a bit of a drama queen. And often cry and mope around if I don’t get my way. I declared: I QUIT. I didn’t want to go to any other school. I liked school number one. It was far away enough for me to get away from my family, not many people from my high school went there, but it was still close enough for me to come home for holidays or if I got home sick. I was not having this “look at other schools”… because really, I only applied to them in case I didn’t get in to Number 1.

My mom wasn’t having it. She went on and on about buying postage for a bunch of schools and that I should at least attend a school in the city and try again next year. But I didn’t listen.
All my friends were deciding where they were going to go. I was moping. And attempting not to hate the girl who got the free ride. But the little mean girl in me couldn’t help it. I hated her. I felt she took something from me. And I wasn’t going to be happy.

I was forced to make a list of schools I would consider attending. And I ruled out 5 of the remaining 7. My reasons?: “Everyone from high school goes there”, or that’s a very Christian school mom, I won’t be able to wear shorts to dinner”.

That left schools Number 2 and Number 3.

Number 2 was an all girls school. And that was it’s first strike. And the only Pro I had for it was “I could take classes at an Ivy League if I go there”… but then they wanted me to fill out a million and five forms on how much money my non-custodial parent made (AKA my dad) and I voted them out. Why? Because if I put that info, I would get $0 for financial aid. And no other school asked for that.

Number 3 was a school in Wisconsin. Strike one. Small. Pro. Small town. Strike two. Everything was within walking distance, Planned Parenthood, Walgreens, tattoo shops, Walgreens. PRO. It was one of the safest cities in America. This won it a Pro from my family. It was far away from home, but close enough where I could come home. Pro. The Greyhound staion was two blocks away from campus. Pro. The only other strike I had against it was that it wasn’t Number 1.

I still had it in my head that I wasn’t going to go anywhere. And I’d just start working somewhere make some cash, and then make it big as a no-talent [insert here] - because I really had no Plan B for not adhering to Plan A. Considering I made Plan A when I was still in middle school.

School Number 3 called me after I went on their school tour. The person on the other side of the phone was just trying to get me to go to her school. I explained to her that I really didn’t want to go to school anymore. I just went because I was forced to look at other schools. She asked why. I was dumbfounded. I was confused as to why some complete stranger wanted to know why I suddenly didn’t want to get a college education. I told her I didn’t want to talk about it, because it may sound stupid to her. She insisted.

She agreed it was a shitty situation, but that it should stop me from doing something I always dreamed of. I guess I agreed.

I realized I was being stupid. So what if school Number 1 didn’t want to give me a full ride, there were 7 another schools that wanted me. I decided I was going to go to school Number 3. A school I had applied to just to see if I could get in to. I didn’t get a free ride. But I basically didn’t pay anything, even after I lost most of my merit based scholarships.

In retrospect, it wasn’t the end of the world. And I wish I could go back in time and slap myself for being stupid.

Thirty Days of Truth (1) Something you hate about yourself. (2)Something you love about yourself. (3) Something you have to forgive yourself for. (4) Something you have to forgive someone for. (5) Something you hope to do in your life. (6) Something you hope you never have to do. (7) Someone who has made your life worth living for. (8) Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. (9) Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. (10) Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. (11) Something people seem to compliment you the most on. (12) Something you never get compliments on. (13) A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) (14) A hero that has let you down. (letter) (15) Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. (16) Someone or something you definitely could live without. (17) A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. (18) Your views on gay marriage. (19) What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? (20)views on drugs and alcohol. (21) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? (22) Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. (23) Something you wish you had done in your life. (24) Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) (25) The reason you believe you’re still alive today. (26) Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? (27) What’s the best thing going for you right now? (28) What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? (29) Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. (30) A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

Listen up, Twitter kids! Don't do this and act like an idiot ....

Social media is a funny thing. Everything is all out there. And if you put it out there, I think you should be prepared to be put on the spot for stupid things you say. Especially if you’re stupid enough to not have a privacy setting and then get mad when a complete stranger calls you out, or makes you look stupid for a mistake that you could have easily avoided.

What’s even worse is when kids do it. Kids who think they’re grown ups.

This past Saturday, Chicago had it’s annual St. Patrick’s Day parades, city wide parties and the infamous dyeing of the Chicago River. When I came back home from witnessing the dyeing in person, I came on twitter and saw that this event was a trending topic. I wanted to see what people were saying and stumbled upon this little gem:

"That pic of the Chicago River died green for St. Patty's day jus really made me miss my city"

And being me, I obviously had to be a smart ass and respond:

We don't kill the river, we dye it. So it's not dead. It never 'died'."

And a few hours later, after going threw a slew of other replies I found this: 

"get out my mentions please and thank you"

I'm a big proponent that if someone does not want people to see what they are doing on the internet, they should have their profiles private. I put alot of my personal stuff on Facebook, and if you're just trying to find me, it will be a little difficult, unless you're friends with one of my friends because I left that open. Otherwise, you can't find me. I feel the same way about any social media outlet. In fact, Twitter is the only one I have PUBLIC and with my last name, mostly because I follow my sorority, and if they I want them to read my Tweets that talk about the organization, they can't read/respond if it is private. 

So I gave @littlemiss_Jaz this piece of advice: 

"Maybe you should have private tweets then."

And maybe quite possibly also make her entire Twitter page private. Considering she doesn't like strangers showing up in her @Mentions. As of March 15, 2011, @littlemiss_Jaz still had a public profile. I hope she realizes that the internet is a cold place that doesn't really care if she doesn't want me in her @Mentions. I blocked out her name in the screenshots, but I mean, if you really wanted to, you can see her full name if you find her on Twitter. But I'm nice, so I won't be mean so I blocked it out. 

I might as well have a spamgasm about this post on my Twitter and mention her. Just for funsies. 

Break Ups, Make Ups, and Make Up Sex

Break Ups:

My once best friend and I effectively ending our friendship because of something I said. It didn’t seem like a big deal to me, but to her, apparently it was. Not that I want people to tell me I’m right (but, yes, I do want this) what went down was really a one sided argument.

She, in the very recent past made a comment that she didn’t want a boyfriend at the moment because she just got out of a pretty serious relationship, and just wanted to have fun. According to her, she’s still young and pretty and deserves to have fun. Okay, understandable. I get it. I’ve been there. So far, we agree.

So she started juggling about 4 guys, and then couldn’t keep her stories straight with them. Seeing this and later being asked for my opinion on her situation, I said, “maybe spend less time with them, I mean, you said you didn’t want a relationship, but you have like 4 going on”. And that was the last thing I said to her.

Two days later, I get a text from her saying I’m a bitch. Whatever. I know I can be one. And it’s not the worst thing anyone has ever called me. So I let it go. The day after, I was told that I’m a very mean girl, and mean girls don’t deserve to be happy. This made me cry. I don’t think I’m mean. I think I’m pretty honest. But not mean. And even in one of my vlogs I had mentioned that it really hurts me when people say I’m mean, because I’m really not.

We still haven’t talked. And I don’t really expect to talk to her soon.

Make Ups:

Me and the boyfriend broke up (for a while anyway) a week after this. This time it was me having a one sided argument. I’m not even sure what led me to believe what I believed. I just felt shitty as it was, so I dug my hole even deeper.

We got back together.

Make Up Sex:

Quite possibly, just for this.

I’m beginning to think that make up sex is 1000000000000000000% than just regular “I’m horny” sex. Which, in it’s defense, is really good. There’s something about make up sex though… maybe you try a little harder to please the other person. Or maybe you were scared that the last time you had sexy time with your significant other you didn’t really make it count, so you’re making up for that.

I’m really now in favor of starting fights for no reason. I just don’t have that kind of drive.

Love/Hate

I hate:

Waking up SUPER late:

This morning, I woke up at 7 am. Maybe not a big deal. Except my work shift started at 9. Maybe not a problem… but it takes me about 30 to forty minutes to get to work. I must have been extremely tired to sleep through 3 alarms. I don’t even know what made me wake up. Maybe it just felt like a good time to get out of bed.

I took the quickest shower ever. I didn’t wash my hair (because I was going to get my hair cut later anyway), didn’t have breakfast, brushed my teeth, did some makeup magic and was out the door by 7:55. I got to the mall at about 8:30ish, so I had breakfast. McDonald’s was the only breakfast place without a line, so I indulged.

McDonald’s Coffee:

Is it me, or does McDonald’s coffee taste like an ashtray? It may just be me, but seriously, every time I have coffee from McDonald’s I feel like I’m licking a warm liquid ashtray …. Not good. Horrible shit, not worth what ever I paid for it. And to top it off, the urine sample size cup that comes with a value meal doesn’t even make the nasty coffee worth drinking. I can make better coffee with a dog’s bathwater.

Arguing with stupid people:

Because you just can’t win. Ever.

I love:

Working in a mall with a recruitment center:

At first, I hated this. The mall I work at is mostly frequented by lower income people. This recruitment center opened at the beginning of the Iraq War, and the rumor was that it was opened to get “the poor people” to sign up for military service. I don’t really know anything who has signed up at that recruitment center, and I’ve never really anyone go into the recruitment center if they weren’t working there.

In the morning, when I got my McDonald’s breakfast, I sat down at the only empty table. At 8:30 the mall is full of mall walkers, and elderly people having breakfast with their friends. Two of the cutest sailors I have ever seen asked if they could sit at the table. Obviously I wasn’t going to say no. It was nice, akin to eating at the school cafeteria your freshman year in high school. I learned that the recruitment center actually houses a mini recruitment center for each branch of the military.

Cutting my hair:

In a previous post, I talked about how long my hair has gotten. Well, it’s still pretty long, but I got 2 inches of dry hair and split ends. It just feels good not being super frizzy. I love that when I brush my hair now, I’m not tugging and ripping out half of my hair. It’s so soft and silky.

Writing a Paper that’s basically rewriting your notes:

This week, I had a paper do for a class. The prompt was to write 2 pages or so about everything we know about X or what we know about Y (X and Y because it doesn’t really matter what the subject was). I loved this topic. At first, I was reading way too into the topic so I was really stressing out and ripping my hair out. After consulting with my professor about what the prompt was actually saying, I came to realize that the prompt is basically saying “beef up your notes”.

I beefed up my notes and made a 3 page paper. Score.

30DOT: Day 25

25 The reason you believe you’re alive today

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"A place to spend my quiet nights,

time to unwind

So much pressure in this life of mine,

I cry at times

I once contemplated suicide and woulda tried

But when I held that nine all I could see was my momma's eyes"

- 2Pac

******

Oh boy. Because I was too much of a bitch to cut really deep, in meaningful places, with actual sharp things. Really. No joke. For once, I’m being completely serious.

Maybe I was being a bit of a drama queen. Things weren’t turning out like I thought they should. And I thought the cowards way out was a good one.

It all started when one of my good friends’ was killed. I was 14 and had never experienced that kind of pain or sadness. I wasn’t sure how to process it all. I tried talking to my parents, but that didn’t really help at all. My dad didn’t know what to say or do, so he’d just let me cry. My mom would just say “get over it”. But it wasn’t that easy.

Wilbur, my friend, had lived downstairs from us since I could remember. I always saw him when I was coming home from school. He would be hanging outside our apartment building with his friends from school. That year, I was seeing alot more of him. One of his younger brothers was in my class so we often did our homework together (and by that I mean, I let him copy my answers).

That rainy September morning when I found out Wilbur was gunned down a block away our house, I just fell apart. A part of me didn’t want to believe it. A part of me thought that someone was playing a very very cruel joke. It wasn’t until I saw his mom and sister crying their eyes out

I pretended to feel better most of the time. And I never really let anyone know how I was feeling. This hasn’t changed. I bottle up emotions - no matter how serious or minute. I’d put on a happy face everywhere so no one would suspect that I was really hurting inside.

What stopped me? I’m not really sure. Maybe it was the meds. Maybe it was my friends’ constant concern. After they caught on to what I was doing. Maybe it was my parents telling me if I didn’t straighten out I was going to be sent to a third world country. Maybe it was Jesus or God watching closely.

The reason I’m alive today? I’m still trying to figure it out.


Thirty Days of Truth (1) Something you hate about yourself. (2)Something you love about yourself. (3) Something you have to forgive yourself for. (4) Something you have to forgive someone for. (5) Something you hope to do in your life. (6) Something you hope you never have to do. (7) Someone who has made your life worth living for. (8) Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. (9) Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. (10) Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. (11) Something people seem to compliment you the most on. (12) Something you never get compliments on. (13) A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) (14) A hero that has let you down. (letter) (15) Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. (16) Someone or something you definitely could live without. (17) A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. (18) Your views on gay marriage. (19) What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? (20)views on drugs and alcohol. (21) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? (22) Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. (23) Something you wish you had done in your life. (24) Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) (25) The reason you believe you’re still alive today. (26) Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? (27) What’s the best thing going for you right now? (28) What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? (29) Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. (30) A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

30DOT: Day 24

 (24) Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) 

******

Dear every one of my ex-boyfriends,

All of you idiots lost the best thing you ever had. Either for being stupid, or because you thought something better would come along… and guess what, it hasn’t! Boohoo. But I’m reaping the benefits. You guys breaking up with me was the best thing to ever happen to me. SO THANK YOU VERY MUCHO, bitches!

John, I dedicate Ke$ha’s “Blind” to you. This sums up how you fucked yourself up by breaking up with me. I’m the best you would ever have. And only by seeing how many times you call me, text me and email me, I already know you’re going to miss me until the day you die. Sucks for you, homey. But I do like that you send me flowers every now and then.

Ricardo, I dedicate the Plain White T’s “Hate (I Really Don’t Like You)” to you. You may have thought that because we had a really uneventful break up that I would have nothing to say. Except I do. I really don’t like you because you ended up fucking one of my best friends. And really that’s why I really don’t like you.

Luis, I dedicate Sugarcult’s “Over” to you. I wish there would have been an easier way to break up with the cutest guy ever. But, alas there wasn’t. I never told you this, but I just hated the fact that everyone wanted you. I can’t really deal with competition. This was the real reason we broke up, not whatever half assed excuse the 12 year old me gave you.

Adam, I dedicate the Plain White T’s “Friends Don’t Let Friends Dial Drunk” to you. I guess I learned a valuable lesson from you. I mean, considering that it wasn’t a real serious thing, and we only called each other when we wanted some. But still… I, at least, was sober every time I wanted some.

I think this one is the worst one. Saul, I dedicate Keri Hilson’s “By You”. Pay close attention to Lil Kim’s verse. Here… I’ll just put it out there, because you’re so stupid you won’t even realize you’re being insulted:

“No whip, no job, no credit...

Me and you is like old timers ... forget it.

Ya game like an old book I got ... already read it. 

It's money on my mind boy and you just a headache. 

I need a man with a full package like FedEx. 

Money old like champagne in the cellar ...

You ain't treating me like an ATM teller.

 So fuck your little cheese, I got my own cheddar” 

… I’m not a gold digger, but you definitely were.

Finally, Jon …. I dedicate Katy Perry’s “Ur So Gay”. No explanation needed.

Love,
Lily

PS. Ex-boyfriends who weren’t mentioned: Don’t be offended, it’s a good thing you weren’t mentioned.

Thirty Days of Truth (1) Something you hate about yourself. (2)Something you love about yourself. (3) Something you have to forgive yourself for. (4) Something you have to forgive someone for. (5) Something you hope to do in your life. (6) Something you hope you never have to do. (7) Someone who has made your life worth living for. (8) Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. (9) Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. (10) Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. (11) Something people seem to compliment you the most on. (12) Something you never get compliments on. (13) A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) (14) A hero that has let you down. (letter) (15) Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. (16) Someone or something you definitely could live without. (17) A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. (18) Your views on gay marriage. (19) What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? (20)views on drugs and alcohol. (21) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? (22) Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. (23) Something you wish you had done in your life. (24) Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) (25) The reason you believe you’re still alive today. (26) Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? (27) What’s the best thing going for you right now? (28) What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? (29) Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. (30) A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

I can't lie, yo, man, my city's the shit!: The music, II

I feel bad because this was supposed to be posted and written on Thursday. But, life happened. But it’s here now. See:


Kanye West

Who doesn’t like an arrogant rapper? He’s really entertaining regardless of when type of shenanigans he’s pulling. Sometimes those shenanigans just add to his entertainment.

Fave Songs:
“Jesus Walks”
“Homecoming”
“Can’t Tell Me Nothing”
“Power”
“Late”
“Heartless”

… to name a few

Lupe Fiasco

I feel in love with his verse in Kanye’s song “Touch the Sky”. Since then, Lupe has been a permie staple on the iPods.

Fave songs:
“Superstar”
“Kick/Push”
“The Show Goes On”

R. Kelly

Despite his thing for underage girls, and his thing for peeing on people, and having a thing for recording them … R. Kelly is the king of R&B in my eyes. But, I can no longer stomach “Trapped in the Closet”. And well, who can ever argue with baby makin’ music?

Fave songs:
“I Wish”
“Bump N Grind”
“When A Woman’s Fed Up”
“Religious Love”

Sparkle

She did a few songs with Mr. R. Kelly. And somehow she then disappeared off the face of the Earth. I read somewhere that one of the underaged girls that R. Kelly supposedly slept with was her niece … so that might explain her disappearance.

Fave song:
“Be Careful”

Rich Jones

Now, I’m not just saying this because I went to school with Mr. Jones, or because he is my friend, or XYZ, but he’s fucking awesome. If you haven’t already checked him out, you should. Because really, I’ve never heard anyone always stay really original. Rich’s mixtape Sweater Weather was released last month here. Check it out. It won’t disappoint.

Fave Songs:
“Go Blocks” that features another of my friends’ Isake. This is also where I got the line that is now the title of the last couple of posts.
“Deep Dish”
“Liquid Swords RMX”
“Daydreamin’ (Girls, Booze and Hella Drugs)”
“Coolin’”

I can't lie, yo, man, my city's the shit!: The music, I

I’m splitting this post up, because there are alot of musical acts that I like. I kind of split it up by likeness, even though, lots of these aren’t that similar.

There are alot of musical acts that came out of Chicago, but I don’t like them all, these are my ultimate favorites.

Alkaline Trio

Not really from the city, but still. I first heard them when I illegally took my brother’s car for a spin when he was away on vacation. I didn’t have a license, and was really bored, so I wrangled my friends and headed to IHOP. I guess at that time, my brother was going through some rage-a-hol because he had like their entire discography at the time.

Fave Songs:

This one’s a toughie. I like alot of their stuff. To name a few:

“Time To Waste”
“Calling All Skeletons”
“We’ve Had Enough”
“Mercy Me”
“Dethbed”

Chevelle

I think everyone in high school liked Chevelle. I was kind of pissed at myself that I didn’t see them when they were in town a a couple months ago. But then again, I suck at life sometimes. I forgot how I started listening to them.

Fave songs:

“The Clincher”
“Vitamin R”
“Send the Pain Below”

Fall Out Boy

I’m kind of embarrassed to say I like FOB. Especially because I didn’t start liking them until college. And that was because one of my friends was like obsessed with them. And c’mon, you gotta admit, they do have some pretty great songs… and it’s sad to say that they no longer exist. At least I still have my little sister to talk about FOB with.

Fave songs:

“Calm Before the Storm” (Take This To Your Grave album version)
“It’s Not a Side Effect of the Cocaine, I am Thinking It’s Love”
“Dead on Arrival”
“Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner”
“Hum Hallelujah”

Lucky Boys Confusion

I never really liked LBC until college, when my friend Kyllian MADE us listen to this song when he was “hardcore tipsy”. Guess what song that was ...

Fave songs:

“Fred Astaire”
“Do You Miss Me? (Killians)”

Plain White T’s

I like their unbelievably cute lyrics. Because, I mean…. Haven’t you heard “Hey There, Delilah”? They became a staple on my iPod after their music from Every Second Counts was featured in the first season for GRΣΣK. Most of my break up anthems come from them… as do songs I dedicate to people.

Fave songs:

“Figure It Out”
“Friends Don’t Let Friends Dial Drunk”
“1, 2, 3, 4”
“Revenge”
“Let Me Take You There”
“Killing Me Softly” (Lauryn Hill cover)
“Come Back to Me”
“Take Me Away”

The Academy Is…

Like Fall Out Boy, I didn’t like them until college. And I felt kind of disappointed when Fast Times at Barrington High came out because I thought their previous album, Santi, was amazing. And then it was like a poppy CD that I would have expected from The Click Five. Still love them lots though.

Fave songs:

“You Might Have Noticed”
“Skeptics and True Believers”
“After the Last Midtown Show”
“Seed”
“We’ve Got a Big Mess On Our Hands” (this is actually my ALL TIME favorite song)

The Smashing Pumpkins

I don’t think there could ever be a bad as great as the Pumpkins. And because, in my opinion, Zwan sucked the big one… there will NEVER be anything better than the Pumpkins. The Pumpkins are probably one of the only bands I’ve listened to for what seems like forever. But my favorite thing by them, will always be their double album Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness, as you will see from my list.

Fave Songs:

“Perfect”
“Today”
“Tonight, Tonight”
“Zero”
“Thirty Three”
“1979”
“Lily (My One and Only)” … No kidding, this song actually made me want to have a stalker.

Rise Against

Probably one of the only modern punk bands I listen to. I’ve seen them live like a bajillion times. At street festivals, radio events, and when they opened up for Bad Religion. Yes. I went to a Bad Religion concert. And I even started a mosh pit. Which I learned how to do at a Sum 41 show.

“Behind Closed Doors”
“Broken English”
“Dancing for Rain”
“Give it All” … whose video was filmed on an El train… can’t get more Chicago than that.
“Heaven Knows”
“Prayer of the Refugee”
“Swing Life Away”
“Survive”

I had to split up the list, because it’ll get long. So I’ll post the rest tomorrow.

I can't lie, yo, man, my city's the shit!: Chicago Style Hot Dogs

I’m not really one to eat hot dogs. They’re, really, not my thing. But the only kind I can eat is a Chicago Style. All beef. Poppy seed bun. Dragged through the garden. It’s love.

Tsa mentioned “crazy combos” in the comment section of my previous post. The place that Anthony Bourdain went to in Chicago is a good place. But, it’s not a typical hot dog stand. Now, don’t get me wrong. I love it too. I grew up in Roscoe Village, blocks away from it’s original location, and we’d stop by when taking our dog for a walk. But it’s no Murphy’s. No disrespect, Hot Doug’s.

Murphy’s:

I’ve been coming to this place for as long as I can remember. And the hot dogs never disappoint. Believe me. I wouldn't lie to you. It's a little small hole in the wall, that until very recently didn't accept credit or debit cards. It's always packed on summer days, so I cherish it even more when I can get one of the four indoor tables during the winter.

The master piece:

That was my meal on Tuesday. It is the best thing in the world.

This is my family hang out spot. I have extra love for this place. Every time my brother and I go in, the server recognizes us. It's a good feeling. Not one I get every dive I go to. The surrounding neighborhood has seen tons of changes from when I was little, and I'm glad this little gem has remained.