Bloggerstock: Do Over!

I like doing introductions. They're kind of fun. So this month, I decided to do a bloggerstock post. So you sign up, and then everyone who signs up gets the same prompt. You write for someone's blog and someone else writes for yours.

I'm lucky to have a Bloggerstock founder guest post on my blog. Check out more of Alex Weisman's writing here: http://icewolf08.com.  Alex is a really awesome guy. I've had the pleasure of chatting with him on 20sb on many occasions. I hope you enjoy his post.

I know you might be sad that you don't get to read something I wrote today. But you're in luck! I also wrote a post.  Read my guest blog here: http://michaelvenske.com/blog/

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t is that crazy time again, Bloggerstock!  I am coming to you from IceWolf's Ramblings and odds are this will turn into one of my very traditional rambles.  This month's topic is "Do-Overs," a topic that I really didn't know how to approach.  One of the first things that this topic reminded me of is a couple of "Futurama" episodes when they have the "What-if machine."  It was a machine where you could ask what-if questions and it would show you what could have been.  Seemingly the only "time travel device" that didn't create any paradox.  Ok, so I am a sci-fi/tech geek. 

I think the biggest problem I have with do-overs is that I like where I am today.  I am happily employed, I have a great relationship with my girlfriend, I am happy where I am living, life is pretty good.  Therefore, the sci-fi nerd in me would worry about the things that I might do over changing what I have currently.  I suppose I could end up just as happy if I changed things that I had done in the past, but maybe not in the same place as I am today.  Maybe it is a fear of the unknown, I don't know.

Then, when i started to think about things that I might want to do over, the things that ended up at the top of my list seemed to center around relationships.  One in particular that I think was probably doomed from the start.  I think that if I had the chance to do that again I would probably just not get into that relationship.  It lead to too much unhappiness and affected more people than just myself and her.  Being free of that may have drastically changed my social life in college, quite possibly for the better.  Now, don't get me wrong, we are still friends, but I think that it is better this way.  We were never in the same place at the same time and our lives were always set on different paths.

Beyond that, I can't really put a finger on any decisions that I regret or things that I would change.  I mean, I would love to change things like the car wreck that I was in this summer.  I would love to have not wrecked my parent's truck.  This seems fairly minor and far from life-changing.  It certainly was one of those things that right after it happened I kept saying to myself: "if only I could have done that differently." On the other hand, it just seems to minor to worry about.  It wasn't like I totaled the BMW!

I feel like changing the minute things may actually have the most impact on life.  The little things always seem to add up faster than the big things.  I suppose though, that if you only got one do-over it would be pointless to waste it on something small.  If I was going to change something that I had done though, I would want it to be something with predictable results.  I would have a hard time picking something to change if I couldn't have some idea of how I would end up now.  On the other hand, if by taking your do-over you didn't remember how things had been, maybe it wouldn't be so bad as there would be no basis for comparison.  Maybe I just spend to much time over thinking such things.

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Enjoying bloggerstock?  You can read other posts by other participants by visiting IceWolf's RamblingsIceWolf's Ramblings, or by visiting the bloggerstock website.  If you want to participate in future events, you can find information at: http://bloggerstock.net

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Did you like what you just read? Do you think you can do something like this too? Want to participate next month? Sign up here: http://blogerstock.net

To whom it may concern:

Dear Sleep Gods, 


Who is in charge of my sleep schedule? 


I like that I can choose my own bedtime now, but seriously being up for 12+ hours is not fun. You may think it's fun to watch me toss and turn in my bed for hours, but I don't think it's particularly funny. I would like to be able to sleep more than 5 hours a day. 


If I got at least 6 hours of sleep per day, I think I would be able to function better. I would not fall asleep during my first class of the day. I would also probably have done enough to make me tired enough to fall asleep earlier. 


Do you think I need a new bed? New mattress pad? Or maybe all the aromatherapy crap isn't working? What a waste. 


But seriously, do you think that maybe tomorrow night, or sometime this week, you would let me have a good night's rest. I would really appreciate it. 


Love, 
Lily 

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Plus day six of 30: 

6) Something you hope you never have to do.

There's so many things I would hate to do. I would hate to get: divorced, pick who lives and who dies, put a pet to sleep, sell my childhood home. 

But the one thing I would hate to have to do is "pull the plug" on my parents. 

I love my parents too much to even think about them being on their death bed. I know, as I've come to learn recently, that death is inevitable. It can come at any time for any of us. Yet, I think it would be a harder pill to swallow if I had to slowly watch either of my parents die. 

My dad has never expressed his feelings on the subject. My mom, on the other hand always reminds Piggy and me that if she were ever to be on life support, and there was no hope for recovery, that we should pull the plug as soon as possible. 

I can see where she's coming from. Why keep someone alive if they can't get better? It's unfair to them. We're prolonging their suffering. (I'm beginning to sound like my mom here). 

Though, I know someday, they're both going to kick the bucket... I hope that my siblings and I don't have to decided to take our parents off of life support. I know I would not be able to decide if it's right or not - even though it's really not up to me. 

Thirty Days of Truth (1) Something you hate about yourself. (2)Something you love about yourself. (3) Something you have to forgive yourself for. (4) Something you have to forgive someone for. (5) Something you hope to do in your life. (6) Something you hope you never have to do. (7) Someone who has made your life worth living for. (8) Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. (9) Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. (10) Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. (11) Something people seem to compliment you the most on. (12) Something you never get compliments on. (13) A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) (14) A hero that has let you down. (letter) (15) Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. (16) Someone or something you definitely could live without. (17) A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. (18) Your views on gay marriage. (19) What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? (20)views on drugs and alcohol. (21) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? (22) Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. (23) Something you wish you had done in your life. (24) Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) (25) The reason you believe you’re still alive today. (26) Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? (27) What’s the best thing going for you right now? (28) What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? (29) Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. (30) A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself . 

Weird Dreams

Lately, I've been having weird dreams. I don't know why they started. With the first one, I thought it was just because I wasn't sleeping in my own bed. I have that problem sometimes. If I sleep over at someone's house I'll have a weird dream, because I'm not really fully asleep. Or something like that. 


But now they've been happening in places where I feel comfortable sleeping. Last night, I stayed over at my dad's. Nothing out of the usual. But then I dreamt that I had a goal of losing fifty pounds to be able to eat on Thanksgiving. It was the day before Thanksgiving and it was weigh in time. 


First of all, I looked weird in my dream. I looked like a skeletor. And I don't think I've ever seen myself that thin, ever. Because the thought of me looking like a skeleton is really far fetched. So, I was being weighed, and the person who was weighing me said I didn't lose enough weight to be able to eat anything. Not even corn (I think I know why I corn was brought up). He said I only lost forty-nine pounds, and that he wouldn't be able to say I lost the required fifty because that would be lying and he could lose his job. I thought that was ridiculous. So I told him I was going to eat turkey. 


I woke up very confused. I was all like "WTF, Yo?! What the hell was that about ... " 


I'm looking forward to bedtime. I wonder what holiday I'll be barred from eating on tonight. 

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Plus: Day 5 of 30 Days of Truth 

5) Something you hope to do in your life. 

There are so many things I hope that I will be able to accomplish in my lifetime. But there is really just one/two things that I really really want to do. They're very similar, they just involve different countries. I hope that I can eventually visit each state in the US and in Mexico. I feel it might be a bit easier and cheaper to do the Mexico one. Less states and our money is worth tons there. But, I feel that visiting all 50 US states is more realistic. I don't know. But, if I die and only got to see 50% of each country, I think I could die a happy woman. 

Thirty Days of Truth (1) Something you hate about yourself. (2)Something you love about yourself. (3) Something you have to forgive yourself for. (4) Something you have to forgive someone for. (5) Something you hope to do in your life. (6) Something you hope you never have to do. (7) Someone who has made your life worth living for. (8) Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. (9) Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. (10) Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. (11) Something people seem to compliment you the most on. (12) Something you never get compliments on. (13) A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) (14) A hero that has let you down. (letter) (15) Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. (16) Someone or something you definitely could live without. (17) A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. (18) Your views on gay marriage. (19) What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? (20)views on drugs and alcohol. (21) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? (22) Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. (23) Something you wish you had done in your life. (24) Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) (25) The reason you believe you’re still alive today. (26) Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? (27) What’s the best thing going for you right now? (28) What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? (29) Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. (30) A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself . 

Day 4/30: Mom, Dad, Divorce

4) Something you have to forgive someone for.

I'm never ever really ready to forgive anyone for anything. I'd like to think that I don't hold grudges, but, I think my previous statement says otherwise.


The thing I've always had trouble accepting was the fact that my parents were divorced. I kind of always blamed my mom for it. For unfounded reasons. It wasn't her fault. It was more my dad's faults that caused their marriage to die. I chose not to see that side. I always felt that my life was "fucked up". It wasn't. Not even close to being "fucked up". For the longest time, we lived blocks away from my dad. We wouldn't even go home after school, we'd go to my dad's and we'd eat dinner with my grandmother. That's how close we lived to each other while we were kids. My parents tried to keep our lives as close to "normal" as possible. 


I don't remember when I started to blame my mom for this. I think maybe around the time that there were Father-Daughter dances in school, and I would have to say "oh, I can't go because my dad can't come".  I remember seeing all my friends leave early on those Friday afternoons to get ready for the dances, (which later, I learned were those Purity Ring thingies). I felt kind of left out. Not just because I wanted to leave early, or that I wanted a purity ring (because I mean, really?), but  I was one of 5 girls left in the classroom. Not to sound like a bitch or that I was better than the other girls, but unlike them, I actually *KNEW* who my dad was. 


Every birthday wish of mine was "I hope my parents get back together". Up until I was 18. I hoped that maybe one day, they'd realize what fucktards they married and would come to the realization that they were soul mates. And then, I could feel better. All that was in vain. But maybe in some parallel universe, they're still together, without all the shittiness. 


I would always tell my brother, Frank - or Piggy as I like to call him, how I wished our parents were still together. I was five when they got divorced. Frank was ten. He kind of understood the situation better. Even recently, I would say that our lives would be different if mom just "stuck it out"."Piggy, mom wouldn't have to work. She'd have everything." Even our grandmother says this.


But really, my mom's life would be miserable if she were still married to my dad. He was a heavy drinker (oh yeah, that Alferez Gene). He wasn't abusive towards us (Piggy, mom or me), but I would assume that's not the environment you'd want to raise your children in. If anything, I'm surprised she lasted the 12 years they were married.


I hate that it has taken me almost 20 years to understand that. And I feel guilty that I've made my mom feel bad for trying to give my brother and I a better life. I guess I was just selfish. And I wanted them to be together regardless of all the bad things (of what I know about, and what I don't know about). Now that I'm an "adult", my parents confide in me a little more. My dad brings up the topic alot more than my mom does. He always says the same thing, "it was better this way".


Maybe I'm the only one who feels that it wasn't. Regardless, I know both my mom and dad knew what was best for them and for us. I forgive them for "splitting up" our family, even though our lives were pretty much exactly the same. We just didn't live with my dad. I forgive them because they loved us enough to prevent us from experiencing anything more painful, sadder, hurtful, tragic.


Mamí, te perdono por todo. Sé que lo hiciste para nosotros y no por alguna razón egoísta. ♥


Thirty Days of Truth (1) Something you hate about yourself. (2)Something you love about yourself. (3) Something you have to forgive yourself for. (4) Something you have to forgive someone for. (5) Something you hope to do in your life. (6) Something you hope you never have to do. (7) Someone who has made your life worth living for. (8) Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. (9) Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. (10) Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. (11) Something people seem to compliment you the most on. (12) Something you never get compliments on. (13) A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) (14) A hero that has let you down. (letter) (15) Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. (16) Someone or something you definitely could live without. (17) A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. (18) Your views on gay marriage. (19) What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? (20)views on drugs and alcohol. (21) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? (22) Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. (23) Something you wish you had done in your life. (24) Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) (25) The reason you believe you’re still alive today. (26) Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? (27) What’s the best thing going for you right now? (28) What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? (29) Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. (30) A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself . 

Goodbye nose ring, I loved you so...

I got my nose ring right after my 19th birthday. It was a big deal because I was away at college and thought that I could do whatever I wanted (yeah, I was that naive). When I returned to campus after spring break for the third trimester of my freshman year, I enlisted my friend/neighbor to come with me to get my nose pierced. 


After four years of having my little nose ring, it fell out. Well... not exactly. 


So since Thursday I've been feeling extra down. And the entire time, Ivan kept saying "I feel like a horrible boyfriend because you're sad and I should know how to put a smile on your face" or "I don't know what to say to make you feel better"...  I just wanted him to hold me. 


Well, on Sunday he did that. When we walked into his room we hugged each other for like five minutes as I cried and he told me that everything would be alright. As we laid on his bed watching the Manning brothers play each other on tv, I felt a pull on my nose. It was the same pull I would feel during the first few weeks of getting my nose pierced. I said "ow" and I pulled away. 


My nose ring had gotten stuck on Ivan's shirt. I thought that I would be able to find the little pink stone somewhere on his shirt the next morning. Nope. In the sheets? Nope. The floor? So far no. Since I had been thinking about taking it out anyway, I decided not to force an other stud into my nose. I miss my nose ring, but, I mean, eventually I was going to grow up and would have to take it out anyway. 

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Plus Day number 3 of 30 days of truth

Something you need to forgive yourself for

There are alot of things that I think I need to forgive myself for. I think the one that I can say wholeheartedly I need to forgive myself on is not keeping in contact with people. 

This proved to be true this past week. I had promised at the end of high school that I would keep in contact with people when I moved off to college. And it wasn’t just to my friends, it was also to teachers. 

This had always been a problem of mine. Even when I would go to summer camp and tell my new friends “yeah, I’ll keep in touch after school starts!” I wouldn’t keep my promise. And it’s not that I have a bad habit of this, or that I can’t keep promises at all, I would just become too busy to actually keep in contact. 

Then it was the era of the internet. And yet, though it would be easier to keep in contact with people, I still didn’t. I feel that this is because I’m not too into myself to care if others miss me or not. Because if they missed me, wouldn’t they write to me first? I also have this issue with my family. My dad gets annoyed that I don’t call him often or that I hardly ever visit him. My grandmother likes yelling at me about this too… but  I always tell them the same thing, “if my dad misses me, can’t he call me? It’s not like he doesn’t have my phone number”. 

On Thursday, I found out how shitty this actually is. I don’t know if it’s because I actually liked this person that it felt this bad that I didn’t keep this promise of keeping in touch. But it definitely never hurt this much when I didn’t keep in touch with others and found out they were sick, or died, or got married. 

I forgive myself because there was no way I was going to know that how ever long ago I saw anyone was going to be the last time I saw them. I know now that, ideally, I should keep this sort of promise to the people I've grown to love. It's only fair to both of us. 

Thirty Days of Truth (1) Something you hate about yourself. (2)Something you love about yourself. (3) Something you have to forgive yourself for. (4) Something you have to forgive someone for. (5) Something you hope to do in your life. (6) Something you hope you never have to do. (7) Someone who has made your life worth living for. (8) Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. (9) Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. (10) Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. (11) Something people seem to compliment you the most on. (12) Something you never get compliments on. (13) A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) (14) A hero that has let you down. (letter) (15) Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. (16) Someone or something you definitely could live without. (17) A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. (18) Your views on gay marriage. (19) What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? (20)views on drugs and alcohol. (21) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? (22) Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. (23) Something you wish you had done in your life. (24) Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) (25) The reason you believe you’re still alive today. (26) Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? (27) What’s the best thing going for you right now? (28) What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? (29) Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. (30) A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself . 

2/30 Days of Truth

They're still 30 days even if they're not consecutive. So here goes.

Day 2) Something you love about yourself:

Finding something I love about myself is hard. I'm my worst critic, so you could imagine how hard this task is.

Just trying to think of qualities I posses hurt. But I found one.

The one thing I love about myself is that I can be nice to people, even when they're not nice to me in return. Maybe this isn't a real quality, but this is one thing I like about myself.



Thirty Days of Truth (1) Something you hate about yourself. (2)Something you love about yourself. (3) Something you have to forgive yourself for. (4) Something you have to forgive someone for. (5) Something you hope to do in your life. (6) Something you hope you never have to do. (7) Someone who has made your life worth living for. (8) Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. (9) Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. (10) Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. (11) Something people seem to compliment you the most on. (12) Something you never get compliments on. (13) A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) (14) A hero that has let you down. (letter) (15) Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. (16) Someone or something you definitely could live without. (17) A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. (18) Your views on gay marriage. (19) What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? (20)views on drugs and alcohol. (21) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? (22) Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. (23) Something you wish you had done in your life. (24) Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) (25) The reason you believe you’re still alive today. (26) Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? (27) What’s the best thing going for you right now? (28) What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? (29) Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. (30) A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself .

7 Things .... Also Day 1/30 Days of Truth

So, Sara from Sara Swears Alot tagged me in this 7 things challenge. Here is my vlog.




Day One: Something you hate about yourself.

Just one thing? I don't think I could narrow it down, I hate alot of things about myself. Since I have to choose ONE thing, I will have to say that I hate that I'm a procrastinator. I should major in procrastination because I'm so good at it. It's not even that I'm not focused, or disinterested. I just don't do things when I should. Probably just bad timing. Assignments, bill payments, applications, balancing the checkbook: these are all victim to my procrastination. And trust me, I've tried to be better. It just doesn't happen.

Thirty Days of Truth (1) Something you hate about yourself. (2)Something you love about yourself. (3) Something you have to forgive yourself for. (4) Something you have to forgive someone for. (5) Something you hope to do in your life. (6) Something you hope you never have to do. (7) Someone who has made your life worth living for. (8) Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. (9) Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. (10) Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. (11) Something people seem to compliment you the most on. (12) Something you never get compliments on. (13) A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) (14) A hero that has let you down. (letter) (15) Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. (16) Someone or something you definitely could live without. (17) A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. (18) Your views on gay marriage. (19) What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? (20)views on drugs and alcohol. (21) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? (22) Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. (23) Something you wish you had done in your life. (24) Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) (25) The reason you believe you’re still alive today. (26) Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? (27) What’s the best thing going for you right now? (28) What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? (29) Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. (30) A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself .

Unsuitable For Children (Pt 4)

Since we're on the subject of people fucking people over... I think it's time to revisit why I'm unsuitable for children. Generally, I don't care if people do shitty things. But once the shittiness is done to me, it's something else. 

4) I'm very vindictive. 

I won't get into what I'm going to do to a certain person that has been mentioned in the past couple of posts.  Mostly because the plan is in its early stages and not much has happened. But as soon as it does... I'll let you know. 

Here's the thing. I'm nice. Very nice. Too nice, even. Don't take advantage of that. You'll wish you hadn't. 

Fortunes

I like when I clean out my wallet after a long day of shopping. I just like getting rid of the evidence of a good shopping binge before I get yelled at my the boyfriend because I'm not supposed to be using my credit cards.

Today, however, I didn't really shop. I just went to one store. Got what I wanted and left.

I was cleaning out my wallet (read: taking my credit cards out so that they can be hidden from me) and found a fortune. Yeah, like from a fortune cookie. Apparently, the last couple of times I've cleaned out my wallet I didn't do that great of a job.

I haven't had Chinese food in like months. And last month, I did a hell of alot of shopping. I usually don't keep fortunes unless they're really good. Or I find them funny, or something along those lines.

This one reads: Treasure your good memories and you need not worry about ending a banquet.


Um... okay? I have no idea why I kept this one. I have the ones I keep on a cork board. And realized, I don't really keep that many fortunes. Or maybe I don't eat enough Chinese food.

Crappy phone picture of the fortunes I found.

Yeah, I found 3 other fortunes on my cork board. Maybe there are some more hidden on there. I have too many things tacked on there. 

The first one says: Someone is interested in you. Keep your eyes open. 

I kept this one because I thought it was hilarious. I had just broken up with someone and thought it was the fortune cookie gods being assholes. 

Second: This is your day to call the shots. 

Fuck yeah it was! I got this one when I went to lunch on my birthday. 

The third: A message from a distance is coming. 

I had just joined PostCrossing, a community that allows you to send postcards to people all over the world. It's pretty fun. I sent out my first batch of postcards and was patiently awaiting to receive my first. One weekend, I had Chinese food with my dad, and got this fortune. Two days later, I got my first postcard from Finland. 

Walk faster!

Why do some tall people walk so slow? I think that if you have longer legs you can cover more ground in less time. When I'm walking with my friends, I generally have to power walk just so I don't fall behind.

So, yesterday when I was going to my dad's house from work, I had to take the 'L'. I had to take the Pink line to the Clark/Lake station (the station where practically all colors meet), to take the Brown line. So I get off and have to take the little bridge to the other side to catch the Brown line.

For non-Chicago people, or people have never been to Chicago or have experienced the 'L' here's a picture:

I was in the Loop area

As I got off the train car and headed I noticed someone was sitting on the stairs (another pet peeve of mine, since there are a lot of benches on the platform). I had to merge into the stream of people so I wouldn't kick the girl sitting on the stairs. It wasn't so bad just a couple of people, and I was on my way up. I noticed a train was coming, and I thought it was mine, so I wanted to hurry to the other side.

I'm hustling up the steps and there are the two slowest people on Earth in front of me! Ugh. One I didn't mind too much, it was an old man who was having trouble going up the steps. I can understand that one. Then, there was this other guy. Young, able-bodied, healthy, and TALL.

Maybe I was the only person on the planet who was in a hurry yesterday. I don't know. Usually the rest of the city is so fast paced and I'm yelling "slow down, bitches!". Did I not get the memo that it was slow day? Maybe my Blackjack is barely receiving the message. I don't know.

I'm trying to move back into the fast lane, so that the old mad won't feel like I want him to hurry up and hurt himself. So I move next to him, all while looking back to see what train is coming. Tall guy was playing with his umbrella and jamming to his ipod. I think he was listening to Spice Girls. Or at least that's what it sounded like.

We're finally on the bridge part that goes over the tracks. From there, you can generally see what train is coming. I couldn't tell. I wasn't sure if it was Green or Brown. Fuck! The way things are going, it's going to be the Brown line, and I just got a call from my dad telling me to hurry up because the steaks are almost done.

I'm trying still to move around tall guy, but his Spice Girls song has him walking in a zigzag. Fuck, tall guy, walk in a straight line. My dad's making steak, and I really want a steak! I haven't had a piece of meat in over a week. Move the hell out of my way before I throw my ipod at you!

The train is getting closer, and I still can't see what line it is. And every where I want to move, tall guy beat me to it. I change my playlist because I think Death Cab for Cutie is causing me to have such bad luck with people's walking speed, and turn to Nicki Minaj.

In my head I thought, if I go down the stairs where everyone is going to, maybe Tall Guy will go the other way so he can still zigzag. Nope. He went with the flow. Everyone started hurrying because Nicki Minaj told me to tell those bitches that she said "We got Tom Tom’s over here bigger than a monster!"

No. Not really. But those are lyrics to her song. The train was coming. And of course, everyone thought it was their train. Finally, I'm on the other platform. Patiently awaiting the Green line train to stop. Wait? The Green Line?! I hurried for nothing?! Of course I would.

Oh, but the story does not stop there. Tall Guy also got off on the same Brown line stop. We had another similar little dance on the stairs of the station and we ended up on the same bus. Thankfully, he got off two bus stops before me. I swear if we both got off on the same bus stop, I think I would have slapped him. Not even for walking slow and in zigzags, but for listening to the Spice Girls.

Wedding Bells ... In the Distant Future

It's inevitable that I'm going to marry my boyfriend, Ivan. I'm not forcing him to marry me. We're that dreaded "engaged to be engaged" crap stage because I promised my parents I'd graduate from college before getting hitched. Thanks to my cousin, Gladys, I have to fulfill the promise. Not just to my parents, but to my grandmother. (Side note: My cousin Gladys was either a sophomore or junior in college when she got engaged. A while later, she got married. She promised my grandmother she would still finish school even though she was married. That didn't happen. She had a baby and never graduated. So the pressure is on!).

Anyway, I found the PERFECT place for the reception. It is the Harold Washington Library, in downtown Chicago. Even before weddings made me feel fuzzy inside, I was in love with this place. Not just because it houses thousands and thousands of books. But it has the most amazing party hall.

When I was in 8th grade, I was awarded with a trophy for having perfect attendance from 4th to 8th grade. The Chicago Public Schools held a dinner for all the students that had perfect attendance and were graduating from either 8th grade or high school. That year, 2001, it was held on the 9th floor of the Harold Washington Library (HWL).

Yesterday, I had to go to the HWL because I forgot a book I needed for my Children's Literature class. Since my friend Samantha and I had 2 hours to kill before our next classes, I invited her to come with. On our way there, I told her how I wanted to have my wedding reception there. She thought I was crazy. After getting the book I needed for class, we decided to wander onto the 9th floor so that she could see what I was talking about.

Coming in from the elevators

These pictures really do not give the location justice. It is beautiful.

Me: This is the place where I want to get married. 

Sam: Oh my god, Lily, it's so pretty. 

Me: I'm in love with this place.

Sam: I thought you wanted to have your reception among the books. I didn't think it had this. You have to invite me!

Samantha took the pictures with her phone (hence the crappy quality and the slight tilt). She had to remember the beauty. She said my eyes were watery the entire time we were there. I believe it. As I look at the pictures, I feel warm inside. I feel that this is the place that will witness my first moments as a married woman. 

The end of the hall. 

The only thing now, is to convince Ivan that we need to have a reception. I have a list: 

1) Our Mexican families will not approve of us eloping. 

2) If we elope, we can still have a party.

3) If we elope, we can still have a party with an open bar. 

    a) Said party with open bar will sit better with our families. 

4) Registry = PRESENTS!

There are similar doors on the opposite side. The other doors are open and have a mural.

Even though I know I'm not going to get married any time soon, I want to start planning. I want to book this place NOW. I want to pick a wedding theme, colors, flowers, bridesmaids dresses, china patterns. 

I just sit back and think, how for the longest time, I believed I was going to be single for the rest of my life. In fact, I have said it a million times. And I used to refer to my boyfriends as "future ex-boyfriends" as if I were predicting that our relationship would not last. I remember when I told Claire about my unofficial proposal. We were having dinner at Elephant & Castle. She cried. I didn't think it was a big deal. But when she said it "You're going to get married, Lilz." I knew there was truth to it. 

I hate to emasculate my boyfriend, but the first time I told him that no matter what I did, or who I dated, I only ever loved him. His eyes watered a little. I think we both started hinting about marriage earlier this summer. Some time in June, I told him in a drunken text "I wanna marry you". It was kind of left alone since I was drunk, and wasn't really something that should be taken seriously. 

Then he said something along the lines of "You'll have to do it because I'm your husband". 

The next time was something along the lines of him saying, "I want to be with you forever". 

During one conversation I said, "I don't plan on having any future boyfriends". 

And then the day. 

A little back story first: My friend Diana has this thing where she says I'm not allowed to go to Vegas unless she goes with me or I'm already married when I visit. She feels that I'll get so drunk that I will lose all my money and marry a complete stranger. I'm not going to lie, but it does sound like something I would do. 

Okay, back to the day: My sister, Ale, was going to Orlando with my aunt Lupe, her girlfriend, her girlfriends' daughter, and [my aunt's] ex's daughter. When they dropped off my "cousin" (ex's daughter), I was asked by the ex why I wasn't going to Orlando. 

Me: I have to work. 

Lupe (to the ex): She already went on vacation when she was little too. (This was true. I had already been on a lesbian vacation. I had gone on a Mexico trip with my aunt and the ex when I was 9). 

Me: Plus, I'd rather go to Vegas!

Ex: To Vegas?! That's where all the honeymooners go. Why do you want to go there?

Me: Just for funsies.

Lupe: Next time [girlfriend] and I go to Vegas, you can come too. 

I immediately texted Ivan. (I love that my phone holds a million texts) 

Me: My aunt just asked me if I want to go to Vegas next year. 

Ivan: I wanna go to Vegas again so bad (He has family there)

Me: OMG, if I go ... I'm going to lose alot of money

Ivan: Good thing I don't gamble.

Me: I don't usually. But it's Vegas! But I won't marry anyone.

Ivan: Not even me?

Me: Only you. 

Ivan: :)

Me: In Vegas? [Chicago]? Both?

Ivan: Where do you want to? 

Me: Anywhere. 

This is the only decoration I don't like. 

Anywhere is the Harold Washington Library.