Please, Blizzard?

This is the second time I have woken up early have been productive and feel super tired by 3 PM. And the problem is that I have to go to work later on.

I wish I were a stripper or a prostitute so taking cocaine would be like nothing.

Coffee is also making me more tired. What I hate is that I need to stay away until 11 (the time I get home from work)… and I don’t think it’s going to happen.

It’s mostly my fault. I messed up my school schedule. I’m taking most of my classes on two days and then a super long one on Saturday. On Saturdays, I work after school. So I’m usually extremely exhausted when I get back home on Saturday night.

Sunday is my relax day. I have no school or work. But lately it seems I work more on that day than on days I actually work. Last week, I was scheduled to work on my day off. First off, what, why? That was stupid. So I went to work at 6 am. Not to mention that I worked until 10 the night before.

Bah.

The point:

There’s supposed to be a blizzard. And I want it to be a really bad one. Lots of snow, lots of wind, lots of cold. Why?

Because I hate people? No.

Because I want an extra day off. I just really want to sleep.

Getting to know Lily, but not really... Episode 2

I'm going to go ahead and say that Jes and Rox should do this. And then who should be the third? I don't know. I guess just them. 

School library, and why I hate it here...

I noticed that many of my school counterparts are like on edge right now. For like no reason. I’ve never seen people so stressed out over nothing. So, I’m gonna be all like: What. The. Fuck. People, seriously? Calm your asses down. Seriously.

Along with that, give them some advice and answers to stupid questions and comments that I get.

Here goes:

Cringing/rolling your eyes when an ambulance drives by:

Look, you’re not that important, and the ambulance driver has no idea that you’re studying your ass off for no reason. I doubt he even cares about your existence, girl sitting across from me. I’m sure the ambulance driver is more concerned with getting the patient in the back to the nearest hospital, and is more worried about weaving through downtown traffic than whatever the hell you’re doing.

Studying like it’s fucking midterms already:

School just started last Monday, heifa. There is no way in hell you’re already worried about your grade like that. I haven’t even had homework yet. So re-fucking-lax, ‘kay? Trust me you’re not going to die if you relax the first couple of weeks. There’s no need to fry your brain now. All those in classes that are continuing from last semester, you’re excused, because you have tests next week.

Asking me for pens:

I don’t mind letting you use my pen, but please don’t bite it, stick it in your nose, or eat my pen cap. I don’t know what is so stressful to you about reading your homework that causes you to eat on my property. Did I ask to borrow your book and immediately start eating the pages? NO. Do you go to the library check out a book and eat it? NO. Do you get movies from RedBox and chew the DVD like gum? NO. So don’t do it to my fucking pen.

“Can I check my email on your laptop, miss?”

No, bitch, I’m busy writing a post for my blog about how you people in the library annoy me. And there are a bunch of computers here you can use.

“Can you watch my stuff while I go to the bathroom?”

No. Unless I can make a profit from selling your stuff.

“My Mac is better than yours”

That’s nice sir, but I don’t care. My Mac probably has more GB of storage space than yours and mine appears to be cleaner, and mine doesn’t have a cracked screen… so please tell me how yours is better? “I have iMovie”… that’s nice. I have iLife ’11. “I have ’09”… well, I guess mine is better.

“Oh you have an iPhone. Are you one of those important people?”

I’m important to myself. So, yes. I didn’t realize only important people had iPhones.

“Hey! Weren’t you in my [insert subject here] class?”

Probably. I don’t remember. I was trying to ignore you then. I’m trying to ignore you now.

“Are you cold with that sleeveless shirt?”

Not at the moment, but for when I am, I have a sweater. I’m not cold at the moment because I’m sitting right by the heater. If I wore my sweater now, I’d melt.

 “Lily, let’s go to lunch.”

Okay, Sam.

30DOT: Day 20

(20) Views on drugs and alcohol

Booze = Good. Always. Unless you’re pregnant. In that case, booze is bad. And I’m sure there are other reasons why some people shouldn’t drink.

Drugs… hmmm…

I’ve only ever smoked the green stuff. And it was mostly while in middle school and high school. I hung out with alot of people who were bad influences. The first time I ever smoked pot, I was in 7th grade. Then, in 8th grade I used peer pressure to get my friends to do it too. Oh yeah, I told them “all the cool kids are doing it” and they gobbled it up. At the time, I thought I was a little bad ass. But then, when I saw my friends getting into bad habits I realized that maybe some people are more prone to do other types of drugs.

In college, I was given opportunities to try different drugs, but I politely declined. I wasn’t really interested in doing anything else. I liked booze more anyway. But boy, did I see people act crazy.

Generally, I don’t care if other people do drugs.

As for booze… I enjoy it. I’ve also had my issues with it. A few years ago, I had a dependency problem/borderline alcoholism. I was having a shitty time with everything and everyone, and at the end of the day, it felt good to drink half a bottle of vodka. I was about 20 at the time. There were times I would drink before school too.

I would also drink to get drunk. Not to enjoy myself. My goal was always to not remember the night before.

I don’t remember when it clicked in my head that I was going about it all wrong. I scaled back my booze in take and felt better. And I learned that moderation is key.

So I pass on that piece of advice: Everything in moderation is good. Maybe even drugs…. Who knows. But if you like the booze, trust me, one drink is okay. There is no need to drink an entire bottle by yourself, in your room, while you’re watching the entire DVD collection of The OC or Friends.

Now, I don’t drink as much or as often as I did. Sometimes I laugh when I see people my age act like college freshmen when they drink. Really guys? C’mon, stop making rookie mistakes when it comes to booze. I still enjoy a glass of wine here and there, or a gin and tonic at a night club. But I think I’m a little too old to do the drink until I puke thing intentionally.



Thirty Days of Truth (1) Something you hate about yourself. (2)Something you love about yourself. (3) Something you have to forgive yourself for. (4) Something you have to forgive someone for. (5) Something you hope to do in your life. (6) Something you hope you never have to do. (7) Someone who has made your life worth living for. (8) Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. (9) Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. (10) Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. (11) Something people seem to compliment you the most on. (12) Something you never get compliments on. (13) A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) (14) A hero that has let you down. (letter) (15) Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. (16) Someone or something you definitely could live without. (17) A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. (18) Your views on gay marriage. (19) What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? (20)views on drugs and alcohol. (21) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? (22) Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. (23) Something you wish you had done in your life. (24) Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) (25) The reason you believe you’re still alive today. (26) Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? (27) What’s the best thing going for you right now? (28) What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? (29) Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. (30) A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

Technical difficulties

I think I broke my webcam and/or youtube. So, "Getting to know Lily, but not really" episode 2 won't be up until either Sunday or next Friday. I'm sorry for the inconvenience guys. But it gives you more time to ask questions.

T-Minus 4 months...

Until summer. Until graduation. Until I can dive head first into the water. 

Allow me to be a sap... at least for today

This is kind of what I don’t like to write about, but I’ll do it anyway.

I paid a visit to the boyfriend today. After him choosing football over me, I decided it was time to let go, and just go over and bring him breakfast and hang out until he had to go to work later on.

The thing about having Android phones and iPhones and what nots, is that you want to protect them. So you put passwords on them just in case you lose it. I mean, I’m pretty sure I’m going to end up losing my phone one day or another.

I was about to leave. I was all bundled up and everything, and he was putting on his shoes. All at the same time, unlocking the phone.

Down-Right-Up-Left-Down the middle.

Ha! I know your password!
“You know my password today. I change it everyday because I get bored of the pattern,”
I have a password too. You might know it. If you remember my old house number, it’s the last four num-
“2-6-2-3”
And it was my old cell phone number too…
“What were the first three? 4? 1? 6?”
Yeah.
“I don’t even think I know this number. I never had to dial it”
Well, you at least dialed it once… obvi.
“Once. Compared to all the times I actually dialed the other ones. I’ve never forgotten it. Because I really love you. Even if you don’t believe me at times. I do. I think this proves it.”

That, right there, is why I’m marrying you.

I’m a sap. My eyes teared up. How could you not? But I don’t think, in the almost year that I have been in this relationship, that I have felt so sure that I made the right choice in 1) thinking it over… 2) saying yes … 3) setting rules … 4) saying Yes.

Funny things about the first day of school...

People talk funny. Like really funny.

I’m taking a Drama Literature class, and we were having a discussion about what we think about plays, what our favorite play is, etc, etc. Pretty normal first day questions. So this girl starts talking about how she loves theater - no not theater. THEE-ATE-HER. I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say theater that way without being jokey. But she was being completely serious. Do people really say it this way? If so, let me know, and I won’t take this girl as a complete joke.


“I’m going for” - Why do people this?

You’re going for what?
“Oh, I’m going for criminal justice…”
Criminal justice against who/what?
“No, that’s my major”
Then why not say I’m going for a CJ major or I’m a CJ major”

And then I get blank stares like I’m crazy. It just doesn’t make sense to me when it’s said that way. Or is this normal, and I really am crazy?


And then there are the ad-libbers.

Teachers often just ask a million questions on the first day, as mentioned above. And then they ask you a million personal questions while you’re introducing yourself to the class. Which isn’t too bad, in fact it’s kind of fun at times. What’s not fun is some idiot making commentary on what you’re answering like this was a reenactment of my life and he’s doing commentary for the DVD. Not necessary. Thanks.

3 classes down. 1 to go.

30DOT: Day 19

I'm slacking I know. But! I'm detereminded to finish this before, random date ... my birthday? Yes. Okay. By the end of March.


Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

I think I’ve been hella procrastinating on this, but I’ve also been stuck.

I decided not to write about religion again. So that leaves politics.

What is there to think about it? I believe that I have a civic duty to vote for the right person for a job and this or that, insert generic answer.

I think Chicago politics have jaded me. I didn’t know is was okay to be able to inherit a political office from your parent when he dies. The total disregard for the line of succession, patronage jobs, tax hikes… not something that has made me want to keep track of what happens politically in this city and in the county. I know that this might be the opposite of what’s supposed to happen, but every time I watch the local news there’s always something along the lines of “President Strogers’ [insert familiarity & governent title here] was convicted of blah blah blah costing Cook County residents blah blah blah in tax dollars”.

Because of local government fiascos, I don’t follow local or state wide and even nation wide politics. At times, I find it pointless, but still, I make it out to the polls every election day.


Thirty Days of Truth (1) Something you hate about yourself. (2)Something you love about yourself. (3) Something you have to forgive yourself for. (4) Something you have to forgive someone for. (5) Something you hope to do in your life. (6) Something you hope you never have to do. (7) Someone who has made your life worth living for. (8) Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. (9) Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. (10) Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. (11) Something people seem to compliment you the most on. (12) Something you never get compliments on. (13) A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) (14) A hero that has let you down. (letter) (15) Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. (16) Someone or something you definitely could live without. (17) A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. (18) Your views on gay marriage. (19) What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? (20)views on drugs and alcohol. (21) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? (22) Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. (23) Something you wish you had done in your life. (24) Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) (25) The reason you believe you’re still alive today. (26) Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? (27) What’s the best thing going for you right now? (28) What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? (29) Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. (30) A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

iLove my iDog

Since I can’t have a real dog, I’m settling for my old iDog. I still love the hell out of this thing like when I first got it. In fact, I think this was the first thing that my dad ever bought two of. One for me, and one for my sister.

I was bored, as always, and kept complaining that I wanted a pet. So in my head I was like.. Okay, maybe it’s time to resuscitate my iDog. I changed it’s batteries, but it was not responding. It turned out that one of the old batteries exploded and there was white powder all over the inside. Side note: a good way to clean this up is warm water with baking soda (in case you didn’t know). And after cleaning that up, it started working.

According to the Hasbro manual for the dog, my dog is having an identity crisis. He’s blinking red during rap and yellow during rock music… apparently they’re supposed to be the other way around.

Green is for dance music… it does this one right. For the most part.

What. The. Hell. My dog’s all wrong. Does he need to be put to sleep? Or is it just because he’s like 10 years old. And in dog years’ that like 70. But in technology years that’s like 7,000 …. Right?

Getting to know Lily, but not really... Episode 1

So, peer pressure (kinda) and I decided that on Friday I'm going to post Q&A vlogs. You can ask me anything. I'll try and answer. And if it goes well, it will be a weekly occurrence.

Work politics and such

When I worked on New Years, I didn’t really expect the day to be eventful. 

So, my friend - my friend who happens to be someone that used to work at the store - came in to shop. That wasn’t the issue. 

Policy is that we can’t ring up our friends. So naturally, I told my manager to ring up my friend. 

My friend got these products where one item would be like 50% off with a purchase of X amount of dollars from the same line (Sorry for the ambiguity of this, but if I am more specific, it might give away where I work, and I don’t really want to do that). The problem with this promotion is that you have to manually change it. Unlike most other promotions that just change automatically. My friend and I knew this, and somehow my manager, somehow did not. This was issue number one. Because she knew about how the promotion worked - and apparently along with not knowing how the promotion worked, the manager also did not know the promotion existed. My friend said “You have to change it manually” and the manager walked away to the wall to see what she was talking about and under her breath muttered “don’t tell me how to do my job”.  I was really tempted to say she used to have your job. But I didn’t. 

My friend was about to pay for her purchase and was taking out her money so she could give exact change. She placed her money right in front of her and the manager reached over to get the money. My friend explained that that was rude. And that she should wait to be handed the money. I’m not really sure what happened here. I was back and forth between the rest of the store and the cash register area. They were getting a little heated, and once I was near the register the manager told me “Can you finish this for me?”. This is where it was an issue for me. 

On Wednesday, our head manager called me to the back room to talk about what happened. He said that the customer (this case my friend) called the store and customer service and explained that she was really dissatisfied with her experience at the store. I explained what happened, and why it might have gotten as bas as it did. I explained to him that it was someone who was my friend who also worked here, and because it is policy that we don’t ring our friends, I asked the manager at the time to ring her up. But that they had gotten in an argument and I finished it to keep the sale and try and make her experience positive. 

He asked me something I felt weird answering “How did that make you feel as an associate?” I said this: I felt weird witnessing that. I felt awkward. I felt that [the manager] did the exact opposite of what we’re expected of. 

If a customer yelled at me, for whatever reason, whether my fault, not my fault, a misunderstanding, x y z… I would NEVER yell back. There is no point. There should be no reason for me to raise my voice at a customer. In fact, customers treat me like shit all the time. I finish helping them, all while smiling, and when they’re gone, I go to the back room, take a sip of water or soda, brush off my shoulder and walk back onto the sales floor. And I try not to let that customer ruin the rest of my day. 

Then he asked, “How did it make you feel the way she handled the situation?” I answered: I felt it was handled wrong. All wrong. Especially with an associate standing nearby. It sets the wrong example. His response was: “that’s what I like to hear from my associates”. 

I felt like I threw my manager under the bus. But at the same time I feel that she needs an attitude adjustment. This is the second time I see her do something like this. During the holidays she yelled at a customer and threatened her by saying she would have security come remove her from the store (which is against our company policy). When all the customer wanted was for her to help the associate that was ringing her up (she was new and didn’t know how to split payment between two credit cards). 

What I’m most scared of is that this manager will retaliate against me. Obviously it’s going to go back to her. Since I was the only associate there at that time the old “an associate working at the time” will totally give away that it was me who said something. And I feel because I said it was “my friend” instead of “a former employee” that she’ll think I stood up for my friend rather than a former employee who is still a customer. 

Dilemas. 

The move

This year - well actually, last year - I decided I was going to retake the master bedroom in our apartment. Calm down, it’s not as glamourous as it sounds. It’s very anti-fab and has very reduced closet space. I KNOW. But yet, it’s bigger and more comfortable. 

My brother and I have been fighting over this room since the day we moved into this apartment when I was 9. Since at the time my brother had a bigger bed he was given the bigger room. And I didn’t have too much, so I was comfortable in the small room.

Frank moved out when he was in high school. And I moved in. I loved that room. I had a couch in there, a huge dresser, a desk (for the first time)… it was amazing. My friends would come over, and we’d *ahem*smoke_pot*ahem*. 

Then, I moved away to college, Frank moved back in and HIJACKED my room. So, Frank moved out again… and now I retook this room. 

But really, the reason I needed/wanted the new room was because I needed new space for my new flatscreen tv that I got for Christmas. And there was no way it was going to fit in my old room. In the master bedroom, I acquired a new piece of furniture and another shelf. So I win again.

The switch was made on New Years’ Eve. I said Fuck it! I have to work tomorrow and not going out to get sloshed… might as well . So I started moving crap around and this was the result: 

A huge pile of clothes... that I pushed into the closet.

All my crap. 

My desk. Yes, those are empty rum bottles. They have hot boys on them.

I chat on a Mac.

It took me basically the entire day to fix both rooms. Because I couldn’t just throw Frank’s remaining things into the room without some sort of organizing. So I packed, unpacked and set 2 rooms all before 2010 ended. And by 11:50 PM CST I was asleep. Fuck you, don’t judge me. I was tired, and had to go to work the next day. 

Here’s the nice result: 

Everything in place.

Reduced closet space.

The reason I HAD to move. Yes, I watch cartoons meant for 8 year olds. 

And my bed.

All I have to do now is paint. But I don’t know what color. Suggestions?

Karaoke Blog Ring of Death!: FUCK!

Hey guys! So, after two months of procrastination, I decided to join the ranks of these crazy people who are karaoke-ing all over blogs.

******

Hey y'all!!  In spite of debilitating illness and my creativity flying out the window, I have managed to put together a pile of absolute drivel to be proudly displayed on Lily's awesome blog.  I tried to stop my incessant babbling in the beginning, but it's like a reflex or something.  I couldn't stop it.  

For more karaoke loveliness, stop by my blog, Bianca and the B-Sides, and see Jes in her FUCK-araoke glory!  ZA-HING!!  Much thanks to Sara for putting all this together, even while suffering from the plague.  Very impressive work ethic! 

When honesty attacks

I try to be as honest as I can in all relationships. But, as I have mentioned before, I sometimes can't keep stuff to myself. 

Recently, I told my boyfriend that a friend of mine wanted me to hook up with one of our mutual friends. To which I got the response "I hate that fucking bitch, and I'll tell her she's a bitch to her face". 

Wait, what? Okay, so I understand his concern. I felt the same way when he told me that one of his girl friends likes him. And because, ultimately, I trust him, but I have no idea what her intentions might be. And well, he can trust me, but what are my friends intentions? 

I feel bad now, that I said anything about the subject. I feel that if they ever meet he’s going to not like her based on this. But then again, I feel like if I didn’t tell him, I’d feel like I was keeping a horrible secret. 

How do you know when you’re over sharing? That’s what I don’t get. How do you decide what’s something you should say versus something you shouldn’t? Because to me, everything is important to share. 

Seriously FaceBook?

As if I didn't already have enough pressure from my family and friends to officially get engaged and set a date for a wedding ... And then, here comes FaceBook adding it's two cents in: 

I mean, I know we're procrastinating on the whole getting a ring and moving in together and getting married and having the babies... but seriously yo, we're hella broke. I barely had enough money to buy people Christmas presents. 

It's hard though. Right now, all my friends are getting engaged. And while I do feel that we're moving slowly, I know that it's going to happen. Just not in the speedy way everyone else is doing it. 

A friend of mine recently got married in London. She married someone she met while she was studying abroad.... like just this past semester. While I think it's cool that she got married, I feel like whoa, SLOW DOWN. And then I think of me and how I kind of want things to speed up, but I know why we're going slow. And it's not just the money thing. 

But, yes, FaceBook, thank you for reminding me of what I already know. And while I do like the Blue Nile rings... I might just go to Overstock.Com. And I do like Hello Kitty. 

What an asshole...

But I love my brother anyway.

He took this picture at the Field Museum of Natural History correction: Lincoln Park Zoo and just sent it to me. 

To Do List [2011 Edition]

I’m trying to think of things I want to do this year. I always say I want to do a bunch of things by the end of the year, and I think this year I should definitely start a list and do some things. This may be a list in progress… I’m cool with that. 

Here goes:


Ghost Hunting

A majority of people don’t believe ghosts exist. I know they do. I’ve felt them, seen one, and live with some. The first time I ever went ghost hunting, was sort of unintentional. My brother was driving to his friends house and I decided to tag along. I always carry my camera with me, just for funsies. He told me to start taking random pictures of stuff, so I did. In some of my pictures 

This is what turn out in one of them: 

Take what you want to take from this picture. Though we were outside, there were no bugs around or whatever. I took this in an area where it is supposedly really haunted. 


But, this isn’t really what I want to do. There are a bunch of ghost tours here in Chicago. They take you to a bunch of haunted places in the city. Many including restaurants and bars, but some include cemeteries. I’m thinking of booking the Halloween tour now. I know that it’s going to scare the shit out of me, but I’m super fine with. 

Read More

I started reading more towards the end of 2010. I feel like it’s been a good escape. I have a 5-shelf book shelf filled with books. Out of all the books there, I’ve probably read about half a shelf. My goal… or what I’m going to try to do is read the rest of all those books. This will be very interesting. 

Though, I do have a lot of texts books, I will not reread those. And recipe books… I will try to make some of those recipes. And along with this is cook some meals. I feel like I'm due to learn how to make things on the stove rather than just in the microwave and something different from pouring milk into a cereal bowl. 

Blog More 
Obviously. Like no explanation needed. 


For the moment, that’s all I have. I’m sure there are more things that I want to do that I’m missing.

Welcome to twenty eleven

I decided to skip out on making a new years' resolution post, and a "year in review" post. Mostly I think last year (2010) was one of the best despite all the drama and sadness that happened in the middle and close to the end. All the good our weighed the bad. And to me, that's all that matters. Plus all my resolutions are always the same, and I never really stick to them anyway.

However, I do feel like I should do productive things this year. Maybe finish 30 days of truth? Currently I'm on day 19. I should also really either look for a school to go to after graduation or look for a better non-retail job. Which, really, both sound great. Whatever gets me out of the world of retail and into a maybe-quite as sucky place, but with better pay, will definitely be a great improvement.

I just have to keep clear of dreaded senioritis. Which I'm pretty sure I'm already suffering from because I haven't even looked up book lists for my classes. Which means I'm going to end up paying a million dollars for text books this semester... which, isn't all that bad, but I would prefer not to.

I'm sure this year will be better than last. Considering I have the big room in the apartment now with lots of extra room.

I don't know what it is... But I know this is going to be a great year.