I noticed that many of my school counterparts are like on edge right now. For like no reason. I’ve never seen people so stressed out over nothing. So, I’m gonna be all like: What. The. Fuck. People, seriously? Calm your asses down. Seriously.
Along with that, give them some advice and answers to stupid questions and comments that I get.
Here goes:
Cringing/rolling your eyes when an ambulance drives by:
Look, you’re not that important, and the ambulance driver has no idea that you’re studying your ass off for no reason. I doubt he even cares about your existence, girl sitting across from me. I’m sure the ambulance driver is more concerned with getting the patient in the back to the nearest hospital, and is more worried about weaving through downtown traffic than whatever the hell you’re doing.
Studying like it’s fucking midterms already:
School just started last Monday, heifa. There is no way in hell you’re already worried about your grade like that. I haven’t even had homework yet. So re-fucking-lax, ‘kay? Trust me you’re not going to die if you relax the first couple of weeks. There’s no need to fry your brain now. All those in classes that are continuing from last semester, you’re excused, because you have tests next week.
Asking me for pens:
I don’t mind letting you use my pen, but please don’t bite it, stick it in your nose, or eat my pen cap. I don’t know what is so stressful to you about reading your homework that causes you to eat on my property. Did I ask to borrow your book and immediately start eating the pages? NO. Do you go to the library check out a book and eat it? NO. Do you get movies from RedBox and chew the DVD like gum? NO. So don’t do it to my fucking pen.
“Can I check my email on your laptop, miss?”
No, bitch, I’m busy writing a post for my blog about how you people in the library annoy me. And there are a bunch of computers here you can use.
“Can you watch my stuff while I go to the bathroom?”
No. Unless I can make a profit from selling your stuff.
“My Mac is better than yours”
That’s nice sir, but I don’t care. My Mac probably has more GB of storage space than yours and mine appears to be cleaner, and mine doesn’t have a cracked screen… so please tell me how yours is better? “I have iMovie”… that’s nice. I have iLife ’11. “I have ’09”… well, I guess mine is better.
“Oh you have an iPhone. Are you one of those important people?”
I’m important to myself. So, yes. I didn’t realize only important people had iPhones.
“Hey! Weren’t you in my [insert subject here] class?”
Probably. I don’t remember. I was trying to ignore you then. I’m trying to ignore you now.
“Are you cold with that sleeveless shirt?”
Not at the moment, but for when I am, I have a sweater. I’m not cold at the moment because I’m sitting right by the heater. If I wore my sweater now, I’d melt.
“Lily, let’s go to lunch.”
Okay, Sam.
25 January, 2011
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5 comments:
Geez, you're sitting in the library minding your own business, why are so many people giving you grief? I thought libraries were for quiet time.
Ha, this was great. Been a few years since I've been in school now but I can definitely relate. I've always been a pretty laid back person so I really enjoyed it when right before test time everyone was freaking out and I stroll in listening to my mp3 player. My calmness would always freak them out more. School is important, but a test is just a test. It's rarely ever the be all end all of a semester and I don't really remember anything about them now.
I mentally make these notes on the students in my class. I have "whiner," "Suck Up," "Jailbait," and "Damn Gurl, calm yo tits." as categories when I teach.
hahahahaha @ calm yo tits.
TSA, the school library is like where all the kids with no friends go. Now, why am I there? My friend has a class in the classroom inside the library and I sit on a couch reading my emails.
Hey, I found you through 20SB and just recently started following your blog. I love your honesty and I hope this doesn't sound creepy but I've given you an award over on my blog. You don't have to subscribe but if you'd like to check it out you can find it at the following!
http://andersonondemand.blogspot.com/2011/01/stylish-blogger-award.html
The pen thing, yea, that bothers the crap out of me. I lent a pen to a classmate once who wanted to keep it so badly, he put it down his pants.
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