Being a sibling is hard...

Being a big sister is hard. People never believe me, but it’s tough being a role model for someone, especially when you’re not that great of a person to begin with.

That’s my usual problem.

Right now, my little sister has just been dumped for the first time. It kind of sucks that I know exactly how it feels to be dumped, and can’t really say anything to make her feel better.

You’ll be okay kiddo, I promise.

I also hate being a little sister. Life is hard, yo.

My older brother is a douche bag that needs to be babied, and the minute he’s not he starts to cry. What the fuck? I don’t need to be babied, so why does he get to be? I basically have to tell him how to run his life.

Why is this okay? Your 24 year old sister should not be telling you to pay your bills on time. That is something you should already know.

What an asshole...

But I love my brother anyway.

He took this picture at the Field Museum of Natural History correction: Lincoln Park Zoo and just sent it to me. 

Texts conversations

The highlight of my work day is getting texts while at work. Mostly because people at work annoy me (both customers AND co-workers) and because sometimes it's easier to pretend to work and not have to deal with the craziness/stupidity of last minute shoppers. Having my cell phone in my apron pocket at work makes my shift a million times easier.

The winner today is Bradley (of Dr Bradley Fame). I cut out the non-funny parts. Because do you really want to know about my work day? And the annoying-ness of people on the bus on my way home? No. You just want to read the shenanigans I text back and forth about.

Unknown Number: So I definitely had sex with ms. b in a dream last night. =0 (Ms B was our biology professor and apparently I had never saved Bradley's number onto my phone)

Me: OMG! Dude, you sex'd dreamed her!???

Bradley: It was fukkkkkkked up.

***

Bradley: You're like a pro alcoholic

Me: More like semi-pro

Bradley: Someday, just keep trying

Me: Thanks for having faith in me

Bradley: Anytime girl

Bradley: Oh, I got that [Christmas] card!

Me: I wish I would have waited to send you one. Just so I could refernce your gross dream.

****

Me: I really want to make a snowman, but there isn't enough snow.

Bradley: Buy a bunch of coke. Or make an ethnically diverse snowman from the snow lodged in the wheel wells of cars on your block

Me: Hmm. That might work. Is the coke for the snow man?

Bradley: No, you just rail some fat lines and you won't give a fuck about making a snowman anymore.

Me: Oh. I don't think I know anyone who sells the white stuff.

Bradley: There was an article in the paper yesterday about some guys loading a truck with 179kilos on Western when the box busted open and coke flew errrrywhere

Me: OMG and where were we???

Bradley: In the wrong place at the wrong time, obviously

Me: Damn. We're never going to just find coke somewhere. We're cursed to always have to buy.

Bradley: I'll never try coke ... purposely, at least. I'm afraid I'd decide I never needed to sleep again

Me: LOL I'd use it as sugar for my coffee... or uh.. for baking.

Bradley: Coke lattes sound like a helluva way to start the day.

Bradley: Freud was always an advocate, before he got addicted to morphine

Me: Freud was gangsta

Bradley: Gangsta with a lifelong fixation on his mother. And stubborn as fuck.

Me: Mmmhmmm. The very definition of gangsta.




Runner Up: 

Me: My brother just told me he's getting married.

Ivan: That's good. lol

Me: LOL yeah, I just thought I was going to get married first.

Ivan. LOL ok.

Me: Actually, it's more like I never thought he'd get married.

Ivan: So u think he's a loser?

Me: Kinda.

Yes... I have time to stalk.

While being a good big sister, I came across my sister's Tumblr blog. I think the title of her most recent post in HILARIOUS. 

Poor Ale, she won't be able to see =W=. Show's sold out. And my dad would NOT let her go. I think Frank and I ruined her chances of ever going to a concert before she turns 18. Unless he goes as a chaperone. 

It all goes back to Frank being an asshole. When he was sixteen, his favorite band, Iron Maiden was in town. And he just had to go. The concert was on a Saturday night. And he thought that my dad wasn't going to let him go. But, my dad, being nice said, "yes, you can go". My dad even dropped him off at the venue and was going to pick him up. I don't remember what time he told my dad the concert was going to be over. So, later that night, my dad went to go pick up Frank from the concert. 

About 20 minutes later, my dad returns very worried. "I couldn't find him. Has he called? I don't know where he is."This was before we had cell phones. We didn't have them because, well, there were pay phones on every corner, and my dad believed only drug dealers had cell phones. 

He left again. 

Came back without Frank. 

My dad was getting really worried. I've never seen my dad like this. Frank hadn't called, there was no way to get in touch with him... and it's not like anyone would really be able to give my dad information on him at the venue. I think he was ready to call the cops to send a search party. But he decided to go one more time. 

While my dad was gone looking for him, Frank walked into my grandmother's apartment... LIKE NOTHING. He had taken a cab home after meeting the band and getting autographs. He didn't even think twice about calling my dad and saying "hey, dad, I'm still here.... don't be worried". 

When my dad got back, he yelled at Frank so loud that it woke up Ale. She was about 1. And we were all never allowed to go to a concert. 

******

As a high school graduation gift, one of my BFF's, Adriana, decided to buy tickets to the All-American Rejects concert. 

The venue was about 10 minutes away from my dad's. So, I was like "we can just go to my dad's afterwards". After the sleepover was approved by my dad and Adriana's mom, we were off to the concert. 

We ate before leaving my dad's house. But we decided to walk the mile to the venue in the hot summer day. So by the time we got there, we had burned all the calories we took in. I was also parched. So... hungry and thirsty... not a good combo in a super packed concert hall. 

By the time the All-American Rejects were on (they were the headliners) - I felt like I was going to pass out. I was really thirsty. I was soaked in my own sweat, plus the sweat of others. I turned around to tell Adriana I was going to step out into the atrium and buy something to drink... but as I was telling her, I felt super dizzy and ended up fainting in the middle of a mob of people. 

Once people saw that there was an opening closer to the stage, they started moving forward. I remember hearing "MOVE THE FUCK BACK!"

When I opened my eyes, I was in front of the stage being carried by a security guard who was asking my what drugs I was on. "I'm not on any drugs sir... unless you count my birth control as a drug"... He took me to the paramedic station. And the real embarrassment comes in.

Apparently, when you faint during a concert, people assume you're on drugs, drunk, gotten raped, etc. I was 18 at the time, so I wasn't drunk. Because I didn't have a fake [ID]. I don't know if it was the venue owner or manager or whatever... but he was down at the paramedic station and he started bombarding me with questions: "what were you drinking, what were you smoking, how old are you, who are you here with?" Uh... Nothing, nothing, 18, my friend Adriana who is still in the crowd probably worrying that I'm dead. 

He didn't believe me that I was 18. He asked me for my ID and I gave it to him. He looked at me. And said "this is fake". I wanted to laugh, but I just wanted water. Like badly. And possibly an Advil or 5. "Sir, if I were going to get a fake ID, I would get one to say I'm 21, not 18". He still didn't believe me. "call your parents". 

I didn't want to call my dad. He'd probably kill me if he knew I fainted at a concert. So my next logical step was to call Frank. He has the same name as my dad (he's a Jr.) so it would work out. So my brother was nice enough not to be an asshole and confirmed that I was 18. And the owner guy asked for him to pick me up and then he walked away, but he gave me a water bottle and a slice of pizza before he left and told me to feel better. 

The paramedic cleared me to leave. I had to sign a release form that basically said I wasn't going to sue the venue. I called my dad to pick Adriana and me up. While we were waiting outside for my dad, the owner came up to us and waited until we were inside the car. Before my dad started driving, the guy told my dad, "it was nice talking to you on the phone". So I had to explain to my dad what happened. He wasn't as mad as he was when Frank decided not to call... but he was still pretty pissed. No yelling, but more disappointment because I "knew better". Didn't think it would be that bad.

I don't think Ale will be able to go to a concert until she's 21.