Texts conversations

The highlight of my work day is getting texts while at work. Mostly because people at work annoy me (both customers AND co-workers) and because sometimes it's easier to pretend to work and not have to deal with the craziness/stupidity of last minute shoppers. Having my cell phone in my apron pocket at work makes my shift a million times easier.

The winner today is Bradley (of Dr Bradley Fame). I cut out the non-funny parts. Because do you really want to know about my work day? And the annoying-ness of people on the bus on my way home? No. You just want to read the shenanigans I text back and forth about.

Unknown Number: So I definitely had sex with ms. b in a dream last night. =0 (Ms B was our biology professor and apparently I had never saved Bradley's number onto my phone)

Me: OMG! Dude, you sex'd dreamed her!???

Bradley: It was fukkkkkkked up.

***

Bradley: You're like a pro alcoholic

Me: More like semi-pro

Bradley: Someday, just keep trying

Me: Thanks for having faith in me

Bradley: Anytime girl

Bradley: Oh, I got that [Christmas] card!

Me: I wish I would have waited to send you one. Just so I could refernce your gross dream.

****

Me: I really want to make a snowman, but there isn't enough snow.

Bradley: Buy a bunch of coke. Or make an ethnically diverse snowman from the snow lodged in the wheel wells of cars on your block

Me: Hmm. That might work. Is the coke for the snow man?

Bradley: No, you just rail some fat lines and you won't give a fuck about making a snowman anymore.

Me: Oh. I don't think I know anyone who sells the white stuff.

Bradley: There was an article in the paper yesterday about some guys loading a truck with 179kilos on Western when the box busted open and coke flew errrrywhere

Me: OMG and where were we???

Bradley: In the wrong place at the wrong time, obviously

Me: Damn. We're never going to just find coke somewhere. We're cursed to always have to buy.

Bradley: I'll never try coke ... purposely, at least. I'm afraid I'd decide I never needed to sleep again

Me: LOL I'd use it as sugar for my coffee... or uh.. for baking.

Bradley: Coke lattes sound like a helluva way to start the day.

Bradley: Freud was always an advocate, before he got addicted to morphine

Me: Freud was gangsta

Bradley: Gangsta with a lifelong fixation on his mother. And stubborn as fuck.

Me: Mmmhmmm. The very definition of gangsta.




Runner Up: 

Me: My brother just told me he's getting married.

Ivan: That's good. lol

Me: LOL yeah, I just thought I was going to get married first.

Ivan. LOL ok.

Me: Actually, it's more like I never thought he'd get married.

Ivan: So u think he's a loser?

Me: Kinda.