30DOT: Day 18

(18) Your Views on gay marriage.

I am very Pro-Gay Marriage. 

She’s the reason why: 

Her name is Lupe.

I found out my aunt was a lesbian when I was around nine. My family from Phoenix was visiting that summer. I remember my brother Frank, my cousin Gladys and I were watching a movie in my aunts’ room. It was sort of accidental. My aunt has rainbow colored rings hanging from her light fixture. Frank and Gladys made a joke that I don’t remember, but I remember not getting it because they both told me “I’ll tell you when you’re older”… FYI - They never did. 

I forgot what movie we were watching. But, there was some sort of chase and the chasers ran into a Pride Parade. At that moment, Gladys and Frank looked at each other and said “Tia is gay!”.  I had no idea what they were talking about. 

I started piecing the picture slowly. Rainbows. She shares a bed with a girl. Oh! She’s gay and not the happy gay. My life didn’t change at all. I still loved her as much as when I thought that her and her girlfriend were just bff’s. It was never odd to me. 

But nothing that’s out of the normal ever felt weird to me. My aunt likes girls. Cool. Why doesn’t everyone else think so? That’s what I couldn’t wrap my head around. 

For the longest time, I was boycotting marriage. Why should I be able to get married when there a many gay couples that want to be able to get married? I think I stopped my boycott when in a Political Science class a girl said, “I don’t think gays should get married because then they’ll adopt kids and screw them up in the head”. Right, because straight couples don’t do that to kids. Right. I almost cried when she said that. My aunt practically raised us. And this girl was basically saying I’m messed up in the head. Which, okay, maybe I am, but it’s not from contact with my aunt, but more from my hetero-family. She wasn’t having it.

To say I’m pro-gay marriage just for my aunt is a lie. But also for my friends who are gay. And the countless of gay couples that also want to get married. Now that I’m in a relationship that’s leading into marriage I think I wish my aunt/my friend Jesse/my friend Naaman/insert name here could be planning their future wedding like this. It makes me want to not get married. But as my aunt has told me “It’s not going to solve anything”. Maybe she’s right. 

The State of Illinois has passed a civil union bill this month. Though it’s not marriage, I’ll take this over nothing. 

Thirty Days of Truth (1) Something you hate about yourself. (2)Something you love about yourself. (3) Something you have to forgive yourself for. (4) Something you have to forgive someone for. (5) Something you hope to do in your life. (6) Something you hope you never have to do. (7) Someone who has made your life worth living for. (8) Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. (9) Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. (10) Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. (11) Something people seem to compliment you the most on. (12) Something you never get compliments on. (13) A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) (14) A hero that has let you down. (letter) (15) Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. (16) Someone or something you definitely could live without. (17) A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. (18) Your views on gay marriage. (19) What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? (20)views on drugs and alcohol. (21) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? (22) Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. (23) Something you wish you had done in your life. (24) Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) (25) The reason you believe you’re still alive today. (26) Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? (27) What’s the best thing going for you right now? (28) What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? (29) Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. (30) A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

Wedding Bells ... In the Distant Future

It's inevitable that I'm going to marry my boyfriend, Ivan. I'm not forcing him to marry me. We're that dreaded "engaged to be engaged" crap stage because I promised my parents I'd graduate from college before getting hitched. Thanks to my cousin, Gladys, I have to fulfill the promise. Not just to my parents, but to my grandmother. (Side note: My cousin Gladys was either a sophomore or junior in college when she got engaged. A while later, she got married. She promised my grandmother she would still finish school even though she was married. That didn't happen. She had a baby and never graduated. So the pressure is on!).

Anyway, I found the PERFECT place for the reception. It is the Harold Washington Library, in downtown Chicago. Even before weddings made me feel fuzzy inside, I was in love with this place. Not just because it houses thousands and thousands of books. But it has the most amazing party hall.

When I was in 8th grade, I was awarded with a trophy for having perfect attendance from 4th to 8th grade. The Chicago Public Schools held a dinner for all the students that had perfect attendance and were graduating from either 8th grade or high school. That year, 2001, it was held on the 9th floor of the Harold Washington Library (HWL).

Yesterday, I had to go to the HWL because I forgot a book I needed for my Children's Literature class. Since my friend Samantha and I had 2 hours to kill before our next classes, I invited her to come with. On our way there, I told her how I wanted to have my wedding reception there. She thought I was crazy. After getting the book I needed for class, we decided to wander onto the 9th floor so that she could see what I was talking about.

Coming in from the elevators

These pictures really do not give the location justice. It is beautiful.

Me: This is the place where I want to get married. 

Sam: Oh my god, Lily, it's so pretty. 

Me: I'm in love with this place.

Sam: I thought you wanted to have your reception among the books. I didn't think it had this. You have to invite me!

Samantha took the pictures with her phone (hence the crappy quality and the slight tilt). She had to remember the beauty. She said my eyes were watery the entire time we were there. I believe it. As I look at the pictures, I feel warm inside. I feel that this is the place that will witness my first moments as a married woman. 

The end of the hall. 

The only thing now, is to convince Ivan that we need to have a reception. I have a list: 

1) Our Mexican families will not approve of us eloping. 

2) If we elope, we can still have a party.

3) If we elope, we can still have a party with an open bar. 

    a) Said party with open bar will sit better with our families. 

4) Registry = PRESENTS!

There are similar doors on the opposite side. The other doors are open and have a mural.

Even though I know I'm not going to get married any time soon, I want to start planning. I want to book this place NOW. I want to pick a wedding theme, colors, flowers, bridesmaids dresses, china patterns. 

I just sit back and think, how for the longest time, I believed I was going to be single for the rest of my life. In fact, I have said it a million times. And I used to refer to my boyfriends as "future ex-boyfriends" as if I were predicting that our relationship would not last. I remember when I told Claire about my unofficial proposal. We were having dinner at Elephant & Castle. She cried. I didn't think it was a big deal. But when she said it "You're going to get married, Lilz." I knew there was truth to it. 

I hate to emasculate my boyfriend, but the first time I told him that no matter what I did, or who I dated, I only ever loved him. His eyes watered a little. I think we both started hinting about marriage earlier this summer. Some time in June, I told him in a drunken text "I wanna marry you". It was kind of left alone since I was drunk, and wasn't really something that should be taken seriously. 

Then he said something along the lines of "You'll have to do it because I'm your husband". 

The next time was something along the lines of him saying, "I want to be with you forever". 

During one conversation I said, "I don't plan on having any future boyfriends". 

And then the day. 

A little back story first: My friend Diana has this thing where she says I'm not allowed to go to Vegas unless she goes with me or I'm already married when I visit. She feels that I'll get so drunk that I will lose all my money and marry a complete stranger. I'm not going to lie, but it does sound like something I would do. 

Okay, back to the day: My sister, Ale, was going to Orlando with my aunt Lupe, her girlfriend, her girlfriends' daughter, and [my aunt's] ex's daughter. When they dropped off my "cousin" (ex's daughter), I was asked by the ex why I wasn't going to Orlando. 

Me: I have to work. 

Lupe (to the ex): She already went on vacation when she was little too. (This was true. I had already been on a lesbian vacation. I had gone on a Mexico trip with my aunt and the ex when I was 9). 

Me: Plus, I'd rather go to Vegas!

Ex: To Vegas?! That's where all the honeymooners go. Why do you want to go there?

Me: Just for funsies.

Lupe: Next time [girlfriend] and I go to Vegas, you can come too. 

I immediately texted Ivan. (I love that my phone holds a million texts) 

Me: My aunt just asked me if I want to go to Vegas next year. 

Ivan: I wanna go to Vegas again so bad (He has family there)

Me: OMG, if I go ... I'm going to lose alot of money

Ivan: Good thing I don't gamble.

Me: I don't usually. But it's Vegas! But I won't marry anyone.

Ivan: Not even me?

Me: Only you. 

Ivan: :)

Me: In Vegas? [Chicago]? Both?

Ivan: Where do you want to? 

Me: Anywhere. 

This is the only decoration I don't like. 

Anywhere is the Harold Washington Library.