While we're on the subject...

While we're on the subject of things that gross me out and piss me off about public transportation, I would really like to address how I hate public displays of affection. Seriously. Especially when it's people who need to do it to prove points to others.

Sam and I were taking the Pink line. She was going home and I was taking the train to the end of the line. We were by the heat lamp so we wouldn't freeze, and there they were: two people just making out all over the train platform.

In general, I dislike PDA's. It's not my thing. I don't mind like little pecks on the lips, or something cutesy... but if it looks like you're about to have sex in my line of sight... you need to stop.

Let's talk about the girl first: First off, home girl should not have been wearing what she was wearing. I mean, I'm not the slimmest girl in the world... but she was like 1.5 me's and wearing jeggings, and not to mention they had a rip, and the tights were hugging her cellulite lumps. But anywho, I guess she realized that Sam and I were making fun of her lame attempt to get a guy to like her, because then she started trying harder as if to validate her attempt and to stop our laughing.

Maybe she got tired of us laughing at her. And maybe her victim was ashamed to be seen with her, because they ran behind a post to make out until their train arrived.

Luckily for Sam and me, unfortunately for them, we were all on the same train.

They sat down in adjacent seats separated by the aisle. Maybe to mock Sam and I who wanted to sit down. But the joke was on them. At every moment, the chick would look at me, and then kiss the guy. And then she would roll her eyes. I don't know if she was rolling them at us, or to the guy. I just thought to myself: Uh ... do you think that's making me jealous because it's not. 

What makes people think that others want to see them sucking face? I mean, I'm sure all about making out with my boyfriend here and there, but I surely don't want to rub it in other's faces. Especially not while I'm dressed like a cottage cheese sausage.

Chivalry Is Dead

Or maybe it's just dead on Chicago public transportation.

Any time I'm on the train or the bus I see the most awful violations that make me feel that chivalry is indeed dead.

Yesterday was the worst I've seen in a long time. I got on with at least 3 other people, including a little old lady. The train was full and not once did I see anyone offer the little old lady a seat.

Two stops after we got on, there was an empty seat. I turned around to tell the old lady so she could sit down. Out of nowhere, some guy just sprinted to the empty seat and sat down.

Now, I get it, you're tired from work or whatever. But seriously... you don't think it's wrong that you ran to the seat and not even think: oh maybe that old lady wanted to sit down because she has weak legs and the train is moving very fast. I mean, seriously, the CTA does not put in writing and in recorded messages that the elderly and people with disabilities have priority in seats for their own benefit.

Right after he sat down, he immediately started jamming to his ipod and covered his face with his hood. It was clear this guy has done this before. I was mad. I didn't even care that I wasn't offered the seat. I was tired too... but, I thought about how one time I saw a old man fall on the train, and he broke his hip. His cries made me hurt. I never want to see that again, especially because it's so preventable. I just wanted the old lady to have a seat so she wouldn't fall.

Another man saw how mean the other guy was and offered his seat to the little old lady. I told him thank you.

I wanted to punch the first guy the whole train ride.

But I realized that it's not only on the train/bus but it's anywhere in the city. For every one male who opens a door, there are at least 9 more who will let the door slam in your face. What. The. Fuck?

Walk faster!

Why do some tall people walk so slow? I think that if you have longer legs you can cover more ground in less time. When I'm walking with my friends, I generally have to power walk just so I don't fall behind.

So, yesterday when I was going to my dad's house from work, I had to take the 'L'. I had to take the Pink line to the Clark/Lake station (the station where practically all colors meet), to take the Brown line. So I get off and have to take the little bridge to the other side to catch the Brown line.

For non-Chicago people, or people have never been to Chicago or have experienced the 'L' here's a picture:

I was in the Loop area

As I got off the train car and headed I noticed someone was sitting on the stairs (another pet peeve of mine, since there are a lot of benches on the platform). I had to merge into the stream of people so I wouldn't kick the girl sitting on the stairs. It wasn't so bad just a couple of people, and I was on my way up. I noticed a train was coming, and I thought it was mine, so I wanted to hurry to the other side.

I'm hustling up the steps and there are the two slowest people on Earth in front of me! Ugh. One I didn't mind too much, it was an old man who was having trouble going up the steps. I can understand that one. Then, there was this other guy. Young, able-bodied, healthy, and TALL.

Maybe I was the only person on the planet who was in a hurry yesterday. I don't know. Usually the rest of the city is so fast paced and I'm yelling "slow down, bitches!". Did I not get the memo that it was slow day? Maybe my Blackjack is barely receiving the message. I don't know.

I'm trying to move back into the fast lane, so that the old mad won't feel like I want him to hurry up and hurt himself. So I move next to him, all while looking back to see what train is coming. Tall guy was playing with his umbrella and jamming to his ipod. I think he was listening to Spice Girls. Or at least that's what it sounded like.

We're finally on the bridge part that goes over the tracks. From there, you can generally see what train is coming. I couldn't tell. I wasn't sure if it was Green or Brown. Fuck! The way things are going, it's going to be the Brown line, and I just got a call from my dad telling me to hurry up because the steaks are almost done.

I'm trying still to move around tall guy, but his Spice Girls song has him walking in a zigzag. Fuck, tall guy, walk in a straight line. My dad's making steak, and I really want a steak! I haven't had a piece of meat in over a week. Move the hell out of my way before I throw my ipod at you!

The train is getting closer, and I still can't see what line it is. And every where I want to move, tall guy beat me to it. I change my playlist because I think Death Cab for Cutie is causing me to have such bad luck with people's walking speed, and turn to Nicki Minaj.

In my head I thought, if I go down the stairs where everyone is going to, maybe Tall Guy will go the other way so he can still zigzag. Nope. He went with the flow. Everyone started hurrying because Nicki Minaj told me to tell those bitches that she said "We got Tom Tom’s over here bigger than a monster!"

No. Not really. But those are lyrics to her song. The train was coming. And of course, everyone thought it was their train. Finally, I'm on the other platform. Patiently awaiting the Green line train to stop. Wait? The Green Line?! I hurried for nothing?! Of course I would.

Oh, but the story does not stop there. Tall Guy also got off on the same Brown line stop. We had another similar little dance on the stairs of the station and we ended up on the same bus. Thankfully, he got off two bus stops before me. I swear if we both got off on the same bus stop, I think I would have slapped him. Not even for walking slow and in zigzags, but for listening to the Spice Girls.

Unsuitable For Children (Pt 1)

Children should not be allowed near me if they are not related to me. I truly am a bad influence. I am the girl who most people meet when she's hella drunk. It makes for funny conversation, but not funny conversations while hanging out with kindergartners. I'm going to compile a list of ways I'm not suitable for children, because those kids need to be warned about my existence, kind of like the boogey man, but not as scary. I guess more like a "real" urban legend.

1) Wardrobe choices upset mothers. 

Every day is skirt day, no matter how cold it is outside. A little fashion tip I picked up somewhere along the way. 

Today on the train, this woman told me my skirt was too short. Her and her two kids were sitting nowhere near me, but once I got up she made it a point to walk up to me and tell me this. When she walked up to me, I thought she was going to tell my my zipper was down. I checked quickly. Nope, it wasn't. I wanted to say "well, then don't look at my awesome legs", but I thought maybe that's not the reason she was telling me this. I just said, "ummm.... okay?"

Why? I don't know. Is it really too short? Maybe for her. To me, it's normal length. But, I'm also 5'0 and most things I consider long, like pants, capris, pajama pants.

Once I got into the building, I had to go see if she was right. She was wrong. My skirt was indeed not too short. I, for one, could not see my underwear, nor could any of the other girls in the bathroom. I also asked them if they thought it was too short. They said... "no". What a crazy lady.

Okay, so maybe the lady was a prude. Maybe she was trying to shield her kids from seeing women's legs. I don't know. But there were definitely girls with shorter bottoms than me. Why was I being singled out? I would understand her moral obligation to tell me I was having a wardrobe malfunction if she had been sitting next to me, or across from me, or diagonally from me, but she almost bolted across the train car to tell me this. Was my thigh super exposed for her liking? Maybe. I would hate for her to be on the train when I'm sitting, because then my thigh really would be super exposed.