Unsuitable For Children (Pt 1)

Children should not be allowed near me if they are not related to me. I truly am a bad influence. I am the girl who most people meet when she's hella drunk. It makes for funny conversation, but not funny conversations while hanging out with kindergartners. I'm going to compile a list of ways I'm not suitable for children, because those kids need to be warned about my existence, kind of like the boogey man, but not as scary. I guess more like a "real" urban legend.

1) Wardrobe choices upset mothers. 

Every day is skirt day, no matter how cold it is outside. A little fashion tip I picked up somewhere along the way. 

Today on the train, this woman told me my skirt was too short. Her and her two kids were sitting nowhere near me, but once I got up she made it a point to walk up to me and tell me this. When she walked up to me, I thought she was going to tell my my zipper was down. I checked quickly. Nope, it wasn't. I wanted to say "well, then don't look at my awesome legs", but I thought maybe that's not the reason she was telling me this. I just said, "ummm.... okay?"

Why? I don't know. Is it really too short? Maybe for her. To me, it's normal length. But, I'm also 5'0 and most things I consider long, like pants, capris, pajama pants.

Once I got into the building, I had to go see if she was right. She was wrong. My skirt was indeed not too short. I, for one, could not see my underwear, nor could any of the other girls in the bathroom. I also asked them if they thought it was too short. They said... "no". What a crazy lady.

Okay, so maybe the lady was a prude. Maybe she was trying to shield her kids from seeing women's legs. I don't know. But there were definitely girls with shorter bottoms than me. Why was I being singled out? I would understand her moral obligation to tell me I was having a wardrobe malfunction if she had been sitting next to me, or across from me, or diagonally from me, but she almost bolted across the train car to tell me this. Was my thigh super exposed for her liking? Maybe. I would hate for her to be on the train when I'm sitting, because then my thigh really would be super exposed.