Unsuitable For Children (Pt 2)

Ever since I can remember, I always wanted a sister. Granted, I did have one, an older one, but she died when she was a baby. I never got to meet her because all of this happened three years before I was born. So I hoped that one day I would have a sister. 

My parents got divorced when I was about five. And when my dad got remarried, he got down to business.  Yay! A new baby was going to be around. Automatically, I said, "IT'S GOING TO BE A GIRL!". 

Fuck. It was a girl. Now I have a little sister, Ale (pronounced Ah-lay, not ale like beer. Sorry, we're Mexican and have weird names). Now, now, now... don't get me wrong, I love my little sister, but, fuck, I have to be a role model. So what's the problem, right? Reread the title of the post. 

My sister is now 12, going on 13. When I was that age, I started getting boy crazy. I had my first kiss, first boyfriend, first "don't steal my boyfriend, or I'll have sex with the love of your life" fight, and other stories like that. I know for a fact that she already has a boyfriend (one time, she checked her email on my computer and forgot to sign out, I thought it was my email, and accidently opened an email from her "boyfriend").  It's only a matter of time before she asks me for dating/love/sex/backstabbing friends advice. Which brings us to reason number 2 as to why I'm unsuitable for children: 

2) I give horrible [dating] advice.

I try not to give advice because I'm horrible at it. I know people want to hear something cute and what they shouldn't do. But I do the opposite. I tell them the truth and then they get mad. So, I don't, or try not to give any kind of advice. 

Well, I'm even worse at giving dating advice. First off, I have like the worst love life. Ever. It's just now starting to get bearable.  

My first real boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend at the time, then he started dating another of my friends and never told me we were broken up. Technically, I guess we're still dating. 

I dated a bunch of assholes. Including one that told me, "No, you're not breaking up with me, because I'm not going to let you break up with me" when I tried breaking up with him because he cheated on me. And other things like "you're a bitch because you don't let me fuck other girls". 

I met my current boyfriend online in an AOL chatroom when I was 15. He was 16. Remember those things they used to tell us in school? Like don't meet people off the internet, they could be pedophiles and stuff like that? I know! He could have been a pedophile. Hell, he could have been a murderous 16 year old. Luckily, he wasn't/isn't. I can imagine telling my little sister "Okay, so don't meet anyone off the internet because they can be creepos," and then getting an answer like "oh but you're dating someone you met online,". Yeah... about that.... I didn't plan for him to be the love of my life. I just thought he was going to be a guy I dated for a while, made out with regularly and had sex with once a month. I didn't think he was going to be someone I was going to break up with every two months, and then lose touch with for a few years, and then get back together as adults. So take that, Ale!

So sorry, don't come to me for advice about boys, losing weight, college, or what you should wear on your first date. I'll tell you something along the lines like "uh... oh, look at the time ..." and then runaway from you until you've figured it out for yourself.

******

So, Ale, sorry that your only sister sucks at life and can't give you good advice on guys. Luckily, I have a ton of sorority sisters that can help you if you so need it. If you decide to date an asshole or internet boy, I may be of help. Otherwise, just look through my cell phone.