Goodbye nose ring, I loved you so...

I got my nose ring right after my 19th birthday. It was a big deal because I was away at college and thought that I could do whatever I wanted (yeah, I was that naive). When I returned to campus after spring break for the third trimester of my freshman year, I enlisted my friend/neighbor to come with me to get my nose pierced. 


After four years of having my little nose ring, it fell out. Well... not exactly. 


So since Thursday I've been feeling extra down. And the entire time, Ivan kept saying "I feel like a horrible boyfriend because you're sad and I should know how to put a smile on your face" or "I don't know what to say to make you feel better"...  I just wanted him to hold me. 


Well, on Sunday he did that. When we walked into his room we hugged each other for like five minutes as I cried and he told me that everything would be alright. As we laid on his bed watching the Manning brothers play each other on tv, I felt a pull on my nose. It was the same pull I would feel during the first few weeks of getting my nose pierced. I said "ow" and I pulled away. 


My nose ring had gotten stuck on Ivan's shirt. I thought that I would be able to find the little pink stone somewhere on his shirt the next morning. Nope. In the sheets? Nope. The floor? So far no. Since I had been thinking about taking it out anyway, I decided not to force an other stud into my nose. I miss my nose ring, but, I mean, eventually I was going to grow up and would have to take it out anyway. 

******

Plus Day number 3 of 30 days of truth

Something you need to forgive yourself for

There are alot of things that I think I need to forgive myself for. I think the one that I can say wholeheartedly I need to forgive myself on is not keeping in contact with people. 

This proved to be true this past week. I had promised at the end of high school that I would keep in contact with people when I moved off to college. And it wasn’t just to my friends, it was also to teachers. 

This had always been a problem of mine. Even when I would go to summer camp and tell my new friends “yeah, I’ll keep in touch after school starts!” I wouldn’t keep my promise. And it’s not that I have a bad habit of this, or that I can’t keep promises at all, I would just become too busy to actually keep in contact. 

Then it was the era of the internet. And yet, though it would be easier to keep in contact with people, I still didn’t. I feel that this is because I’m not too into myself to care if others miss me or not. Because if they missed me, wouldn’t they write to me first? I also have this issue with my family. My dad gets annoyed that I don’t call him often or that I hardly ever visit him. My grandmother likes yelling at me about this too… but  I always tell them the same thing, “if my dad misses me, can’t he call me? It’s not like he doesn’t have my phone number”. 

On Thursday, I found out how shitty this actually is. I don’t know if it’s because I actually liked this person that it felt this bad that I didn’t keep this promise of keeping in touch. But it definitely never hurt this much when I didn’t keep in touch with others and found out they were sick, or died, or got married. 

I forgive myself because there was no way I was going to know that how ever long ago I saw anyone was going to be the last time I saw them. I know now that, ideally, I should keep this sort of promise to the people I've grown to love. It's only fair to both of us. 

Thirty Days of Truth (1) Something you hate about yourself. (2)Something you love about yourself. (3) Something you have to forgive yourself for. (4) Something you have to forgive someone for. (5) Something you hope to do in your life. (6) Something you hope you never have to do. (7) Someone who has made your life worth living for. (8) Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. (9) Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. (10) Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. (11) Something people seem to compliment you the most on. (12) Something you never get compliments on. (13) A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) (14) A hero that has let you down. (letter) (15) Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. (16) Someone or something you definitely could live without. (17) A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. (18) Your views on gay marriage. (19) What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? (20)views on drugs and alcohol. (21) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? (22) Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. (23) Something you wish you had done in your life. (24) Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) (25) The reason you believe you’re still alive today. (26) Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? (27) What’s the best thing going for you right now? (28) What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? (29) Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. (30) A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself .