30DOT: Day 24

 (24) Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) 

******

Dear every one of my ex-boyfriends,

All of you idiots lost the best thing you ever had. Either for being stupid, or because you thought something better would come along… and guess what, it hasn’t! Boohoo. But I’m reaping the benefits. You guys breaking up with me was the best thing to ever happen to me. SO THANK YOU VERY MUCHO, bitches!

John, I dedicate Ke$ha’s “Blind” to you. This sums up how you fucked yourself up by breaking up with me. I’m the best you would ever have. And only by seeing how many times you call me, text me and email me, I already know you’re going to miss me until the day you die. Sucks for you, homey. But I do like that you send me flowers every now and then.

Ricardo, I dedicate the Plain White T’s “Hate (I Really Don’t Like You)” to you. You may have thought that because we had a really uneventful break up that I would have nothing to say. Except I do. I really don’t like you because you ended up fucking one of my best friends. And really that’s why I really don’t like you.

Luis, I dedicate Sugarcult’s “Over” to you. I wish there would have been an easier way to break up with the cutest guy ever. But, alas there wasn’t. I never told you this, but I just hated the fact that everyone wanted you. I can’t really deal with competition. This was the real reason we broke up, not whatever half assed excuse the 12 year old me gave you.

Adam, I dedicate the Plain White T’s “Friends Don’t Let Friends Dial Drunk” to you. I guess I learned a valuable lesson from you. I mean, considering that it wasn’t a real serious thing, and we only called each other when we wanted some. But still… I, at least, was sober every time I wanted some.

I think this one is the worst one. Saul, I dedicate Keri Hilson’s “By You”. Pay close attention to Lil Kim’s verse. Here… I’ll just put it out there, because you’re so stupid you won’t even realize you’re being insulted:

“No whip, no job, no credit...

Me and you is like old timers ... forget it.

Ya game like an old book I got ... already read it. 

It's money on my mind boy and you just a headache. 

I need a man with a full package like FedEx. 

Money old like champagne in the cellar ...

You ain't treating me like an ATM teller.

 So fuck your little cheese, I got my own cheddar” 

… I’m not a gold digger, but you definitely were.

Finally, Jon …. I dedicate Katy Perry’s “Ur So Gay”. No explanation needed.

Love,
Lily

PS. Ex-boyfriends who weren’t mentioned: Don’t be offended, it’s a good thing you weren’t mentioned.

Thirty Days of Truth (1) Something you hate about yourself. (2)Something you love about yourself. (3) Something you have to forgive yourself for. (4) Something you have to forgive someone for. (5) Something you hope to do in your life. (6) Something you hope you never have to do. (7) Someone who has made your life worth living for. (8) Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. (9) Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. (10) Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. (11) Something people seem to compliment you the most on. (12) Something you never get compliments on. (13) A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) (14) A hero that has let you down. (letter) (15) Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. (16) Someone or something you definitely could live without. (17) A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. (18) Your views on gay marriage. (19) What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? (20)views on drugs and alcohol. (21) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? (22) Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. (23) Something you wish you had done in your life. (24) Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) (25) The reason you believe you’re still alive today. (26) Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? (27) What’s the best thing going for you right now? (28) What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? (29) Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. (30) A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

Someone who made my life hell

I hope you guys enjoyed Bloggerstock. It was fun to write for someone else's blog for a day. I'm hijacking my blog back and continuing on with this 30 days of truth thing. We're on day 8. 

8) Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. 

The following person is someone I wish I would have never met. The year and a half we dated is a year and a half that I wish I could go back in time and erase. 

I forgot the how's: how we met, how we started dating, how I stayed in this crappy relationship that long. But I was 16 through 17. And was really dumb. At first, everything was perfect. We'd talk on the phone, he'd text me while I was in school, he'd pick my up from school and take me home ... 

Then, somehow, it just fell apart. 

One day, I was up late doing homework (remember I was in high school - I actually cared about school then), and my cell phone starts ringing. I ignored the call because I didn't know the number. I went back to my homework.  Then, my phone began ringing again. I sent it to voicemail. Then one more time ... I decided to answer. 

This was the first of the many calls I would receive from girls claiming that my boyfriend  was their boyfriend. Regardless, I stayed in this relationship knowing that I was being lied to. 

The one that made me question the relationship was when a girl called me crying. She said she had been dating my boyfriend for 4 months. I had been dating him about 10 at that point. She said she say my number in his cell phone and she called me. She said she didn't want to break up with him because her daughter became attached to him. I asked him about it, and he denied it. TO. MY. FACE. 

Still, a part of me believed him for some reason. 

Breaking up with him was the hardest thing ever. It took like two weeks to break up with him. I decided the way I was going to break up with him was through a three way call between him, one of these girls who was just as pissed as I was and me. So, I made the call, and he denied her the entire time, she hung up crying. And after she hung up, he told me "thanks! you just lost me a piece of ass!". Gee, thanks, because apparently my ass wasn't enough. 

Then I told him "I cost you two, because it's over." 

I ignored his calls for days. He kept calling my house, my cell phone and then began driving around my house. One day, I was making something to eat and I realized we had nothing to drink, and I didn't want to drink water. I went down stairs to the little corner store to buy a bottle of apple juice. He was outside. He forced me back into my building's "lobby". 

"I'm not letting you break up with me"... um dude, you don't have a choice... I'm choosing to dump you. He tried to kiss me and I pushed him against the mailboxes. It hurt him. I could tell. I told him to get out of my house, and he wouldn't leave. I wanted someone to hear the commotion so they could help me get him out. And by getting him out of my house, I could get him out of my life. But it was 10 am, and everyone who lives in the building was at work. And the kids were in school, and at that moment I wish I would have gone to a public school so I didn't have a pointless holiday off, and I wouldn't be in this situation. 

As I kept telling him to leave, he kept trying to hug me, so I kept pushing him against the mailboxes. I guess he got tired of me pushing him against the mailboxes that he slapped me. I was so dumbfounded, so confused. I just got slapped by my [ex]-boyfriend. What?! 

I didn't know this. But my step-dad's brother was in our apartment. And I guess he heard all the way to the third floor what was going on. When he was at the landing of the stairs when I got slapped. My ex saw him first, and ran out of the building. Step-dad's brother ran down the stairs and said "are you okay? did he hit you? where did he go?" and then he ran out after him. I don't know what happened out there. I ran back to my room. I begged my step-dad's brother not to tell my step-dad or my mom what had happened. I thank all the higher powers that he was there the whole time. I think that if he didn't show up, that slap would have lead to something much worse. 

I had trouble trusting anyone I dated after this. And it's something I still have to deal with. I'm so worried that it will happen again. Because there were no signs that there was anyone else. I even think, how did he have time to have so many other girls on the side? 

For the last year of our relationship, I hated when the phone rang. I was scared that it was going to be someone else threatening me while telling me that I was dating their boyfriend. It was the worst feeling ever. No one should ever have to go through this. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. 

Thirty Days of Truth (1) Something you hate about yourself. (2)Something you love about yourself. (3) Something you have to forgive yourself for. (4) Something you have to forgive someone for. (5) Something you hope to do in your life. (6) Something you hope you never have to do. (7) Someone who has made your life worth living for. (8) Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. (9) Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. (10) Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. (11) Something people seem to compliment you the most on. (12) Something you never get compliments on. (13) A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) (14) A hero that has let you down. (letter) (15) Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. (16) Someone or something you definitely could live without. (17) A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. (18) Your views on gay marriage. (19) What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? (20)views on drugs and alcohol. (21) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? (22) Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. (23) Something you wish you had done in your life. (24) Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) (25) The reason you believe you’re still alive today. (26) Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? (27) What’s the best thing going for you right now? (28) What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? (29) Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. (30) A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself .

4, Sometimes 5, Reasons a Guy Chases an Ex

There a very few people who's opinions really matter to me. Most of them are my best friends, and some family members. One of my friends' opinions on guys, for some reason, really matters to me. Upon telling him that my boyfriend and I got back together, he had some interesting things to say. Most of them can be summed up in the list of reasons he gave me that guys chase their ex's. This is an excerpt from our Yahoo Messenger chat from a couple of weeks ago:

5:55:42 PM fred: normally a guy whom chases an ex girl is for 4 main reasons

5:59:56 PM fred: 1... he cheated on you... and hes had his fill of fun....2 he cant get any other girl too look at him for whatever unknown reason maybe for reasons u dont know.... 3 he was fed up of being alone and came back where he knew it was safe or 4 he just want too get regularly laid... and i know i said 4 but maybe 5 if he did or still does truley love you... but number 5 if few and far between sorry  if i made u mad

6:00:24 PM Lily: not at all

6:02:28 PM fred: they are all the main reasons a man will beg an ex too go back with them

6:02:58 PM fred: i have never dated an ex once

6:03:14 PM fred: after we split

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Reason 1: He cheated on you. 

     Maybe. Maybe not. I'm not really sure. We started our on/off relationship the summer between my freshman and sophomore years in high school. We hardly saw each other which made staying in a relationship extremely difficult. So he might have, he might have not. 

Reason 2: He can't get any other girl to look at him. 

     I'm not sure if he meant because he's not good looking or what. But, he turns heads. All kinds of girls like him. Even one of his girl friends likes him. I strongly believe he can get any girl he wants. 

Reason 3: He was fed up being alone. 

     A 24, going on 25 year old fed up of being alone. I can see it. 

Reason 4: He wants to get laid regularly.

     For a while, I did believe that this was the reason we always ended up back together. I made it clear at the beginning of this turn that if that was what he wanted he could go somewhere else because I wanted something more serious a long the lines of: 

Me: If we get back together, I want to have something serious, more stable. I want it to lead somewhere.

BF: Some where like what? Marriage?

Me: Not necessarily. I just don't want you to call me when you need some. 

When we were in high school, I often felt pressured to sleep with him. I did it because I believed I loved him and I didn't know when I would see him again because we lived on opposite sides of the city and went to different high schools. Three years of this messed me up emotionally. Every guy I dated between  our break ups, I'd compare to him. No one came close to making me feel the way he did. Only one person came close.

Reason 5: He still loves you.  

     I was getting ready for school one day and got a text message that read: 

            "I don't know if this is Lily's number, but if it is, it's me Ivan". 

Knowing many people by the same name, I was confused and asked:

            "Ivan who?" 

            "Your ex-boyfriend Ivan"

Thankfully, that narrowed it down. Texting slowly turned into talking on the phone hours on end, just like when we first met. Our conversations were mostly him apologizing for ever hurting me, making me feel bad, and breaking up with me at inconvenient times (like when I moved away to college and he waited to dump me while I was away and did it over the phone). I cried. I never had an ex apologize for stuff he had done. Ever. He ended with "I never stopped loving you". I brushed it off thinking it was just another line. 

So far, he's proven he hasn't.