What I learned during the Blizzard of '11 Part 2

I can make any man cry … unintentionally or intentionally …

We all know I can get a bit crazy. It seems to happen when I have too much free time on my hands. I like literally have to do things 24/7 so I don’t get all psycho.

I’m going to blame football, again. There was nothing to watch on tv, radio sucks, and I had already finished all my homework. And then I got to thinking about my ex and how he fucked me up in the head. And it all went downhill from there.

Since Ivan’s been working nights, it seems it’s harder to be on the same page. We don’t talk as much because when I’m awake, he’s asleep, and when I’m asleep, he’s awake and working. Sunday night, I said something mean via text. Well, it wasn’t mean, but I don’t know what else to call it. “Sometimes I feel that we don’t feel the same way about each other”.

I feel asleep. And woke up to get ready for work. I didn’t get any text or calls from him since I said that. So I asked him if he was mad.

I got to work, and the main boss said, I could stay home on Wednesday because the blizzard. So I was like cool. Considering I hadn’t seen my boyfriend in a week, I texted him to tell him I could go Wednesday.

Fast forward: I fell off of a ladder. Didn’t go to school Tuesday. Showered and went to his place.

This was my first lecture of the blizzard. “I wish you didn’t have a doubt in your head”. That’s all I can remember from it. I think it’s a good line to remember. And all I could say in return after we both cried was “It’s not your fault I feel like this”.


My boyfriend will read my tweets and then get mad …

After being forced to eat the most delicious croissant I’ve ever had, I fell back asleep.

I woke up four hours later and was going to start getting ready to leave. Ivan said no. “It’s snowing alot still, my mom said it’s going to stop at around 3, so at least stay until I leave for work”.

So I stay in my pajamas as start reading House of Leaves. Then I just get a stare down.

“So I was calling my phone from your phone because my phone isn’t working”… Okay? “All T-Mobile phones are down right now” … again, okay?
“Why didn’t you tell me you were hungry when you were?” Wait, what?
“I knew you were hungry. And you lied. I read your twitter and you said you were starving”. Okay, I was hungry when I wrote that. But not when you kept asking. (Side Note: I wrote the tweet when I was thinking about going to the little hamburger place).
“I read it and then just turned around and looked at you. I was pissed. I knew you were hungry… But I didn’t wake you up, because I knew you felt like shit.”

That’s the thing about having eating disorder tendencies. In high school, I was bulimic. It took a long time to overcome that, and eat normally without worrying so much. Sometimes, I can’t, and I go back to feeling like that. Since he has known me since high school, he knows this … and it’s not the first time I’ve gone without eating even though I’m hungry. I do it at home sometimes, or at work. He especially hates it when I do it at work and says “it’s not like the mall doesn’t have a food court”.