What I learned during the Blizzard of '11 Part 2

I can make any man cry … unintentionally or intentionally …

We all know I can get a bit crazy. It seems to happen when I have too much free time on my hands. I like literally have to do things 24/7 so I don’t get all psycho.

I’m going to blame football, again. There was nothing to watch on tv, radio sucks, and I had already finished all my homework. And then I got to thinking about my ex and how he fucked me up in the head. And it all went downhill from there.

Since Ivan’s been working nights, it seems it’s harder to be on the same page. We don’t talk as much because when I’m awake, he’s asleep, and when I’m asleep, he’s awake and working. Sunday night, I said something mean via text. Well, it wasn’t mean, but I don’t know what else to call it. “Sometimes I feel that we don’t feel the same way about each other”.

I feel asleep. And woke up to get ready for work. I didn’t get any text or calls from him since I said that. So I asked him if he was mad.

I got to work, and the main boss said, I could stay home on Wednesday because the blizzard. So I was like cool. Considering I hadn’t seen my boyfriend in a week, I texted him to tell him I could go Wednesday.

Fast forward: I fell off of a ladder. Didn’t go to school Tuesday. Showered and went to his place.

This was my first lecture of the blizzard. “I wish you didn’t have a doubt in your head”. That’s all I can remember from it. I think it’s a good line to remember. And all I could say in return after we both cried was “It’s not your fault I feel like this”.


My boyfriend will read my tweets and then get mad …

After being forced to eat the most delicious croissant I’ve ever had, I fell back asleep.

I woke up four hours later and was going to start getting ready to leave. Ivan said no. “It’s snowing alot still, my mom said it’s going to stop at around 3, so at least stay until I leave for work”.

So I stay in my pajamas as start reading House of Leaves. Then I just get a stare down.

“So I was calling my phone from your phone because my phone isn’t working”… Okay? “All T-Mobile phones are down right now” … again, okay?
“Why didn’t you tell me you were hungry when you were?” Wait, what?
“I knew you were hungry. And you lied. I read your twitter and you said you were starving”. Okay, I was hungry when I wrote that. But not when you kept asking. (Side Note: I wrote the tweet when I was thinking about going to the little hamburger place).
“I read it and then just turned around and looked at you. I was pissed. I knew you were hungry… But I didn’t wake you up, because I knew you felt like shit.”

That’s the thing about having eating disorder tendencies. In high school, I was bulimic. It took a long time to overcome that, and eat normally without worrying so much. Sometimes, I can’t, and I go back to feeling like that. Since he has known me since high school, he knows this … and it’s not the first time I’ve gone without eating even though I’m hungry. I do it at home sometimes, or at work. He especially hates it when I do it at work and says “it’s not like the mall doesn’t have a food court”.

What I learned during the Blizzard of '11 Part 1

Oh, the Blizzard of 2011.

I check in three times to FourSquare’s “Snowpacolypse 2011: Chicago Edition” and learned the following:


If you only eat a hash brown all day you’ll get a killer headache….

I decided to skip school on Tuesday because on Monday I fell at work and had massive leg pain. I have a million and six bruises around my knees and up my left thigh. Woke up Tuesday morning and was like “not going to school”. I texted the boyfriend and said “I’m not going to school, so I can come see you today instead of tomorrow”… he said okay.

Ivan lives about 3 blocks from a McDonald’s. I decided I would stop by and get him a McGriddle and then head to his place. I’m not all that hungry ever in the morning, and he’s not all that thirsty in the morning so everything works out well: I get an extra hash brown and take the coffee for me. This was about 8 in the morning.

I ate my hash brown and drank half of the coffee before I declared I was full. 8 am is always too early for me to eat. I usually eat at about 9:30 or 10 which is when I leave for school. But I also wasn’t that hungry because my legs were killing me. There was already some snow on the ground because it snowed Monday night. Trudging through the snow hurt my achey legs. So I just wanted to relax.

We watched television all day and I’ll spare you details of the other stuff.

I usually eat dinner at about four. But it was about four and I wasn’t hungry. My leg was hurting, and it kept hurting because I kept hitting it against the wall, and sometimes he kept kicking me accidently.

When I started getting hungry, it was already snowing pretty heavily. I wanted to go to the little hamburger spot a block away to get something to eat, but I didn’t know if it was still open … or if I could make it with leg pain and snow coming down heavily. I decided I was only thirsty so I drank some Gatorade. Sleeping through the pain seemed more convenient to me than to get something to eat.

I was in and out of sleep. At one point I woke up, and Ivan wasn’t there. I fell back asleep. Turns out his went across the street to his parent’s house.

I woke up around 9 PM with a blinding headache. The television made it worse. Ivan was at the window looking at the snow falling. Then the lightening made my headache worse. I wanted to fall back asleep but I couldn’t. My headache was still there.

At about 11ish/midnightish, I got a rude awakening. Ivan’s roommates started playing really bad music really loudly. Just imagine what it was doing to my headache. It was the sucks. I didn’t know whether to do something passive aggressive like walk to the bathroom and have them ask me “oh, is the music too loud?” and me just saying, “oh, no it’s not, we’re awake anyway”… or cry. After what I imagine was every Drake/Young Money song that was On Demand, was over, I fell back asleep.

Throughout the night, Ivan kept asking me if I was hungry. I wasn’t. Well, at least not when he was asking me. At some point, I felt myself shaking. I assumed I was just cold. Earlier I had been really hot and practically removed all my clothes. Well, maybe not all of it.

At four in the morning, Ivan woke me up … more like shook me awake. Apparently, I was crying in my sleep. I didn’t feel like I was awake or even present. All I remember was my head still killing me. And I assume my headache was making me hurt in my sleep. So, Ivan made me eat at 4, in between him lecturing me and me crying my eyes out from the pain in my head and legs.

“You haven’t eaten since the morning, and you didn’t really eat anything… so eat”
“If you were hungry why didn’t you tell me?”

Blah blah blah.

I fell back asleep.