So I had my first two exams of the semester today. One in my Logic class and one in my International Relations class. The former had me worried for a while. So, I studied, studied, studied, studied and STUDIED. And BOOM, I took the test and went completely blank. I knew what everything on the pages were. I knew the definitions to everthing, I knew the difference between a Red Herring Fallacy and a Straw Person Fallacy… and fallacies of relevance, ambiguity and presumption ... but I couldn’t get my hand to make the pencil write it.
The time just kept passing, and I was still not getting anywhere. I did what I knew first (because in my experience, this has helped maximize points on a test) … and left towards the end what I didn’t know. Not that that helped anyway.
It was - no kidding - 20 minutes into the class period, and people were already done. And this made me panic. What’s wrong with me that I can’t finish a 56 question test in 20 minutes? Majority of these questions being True/False, Argument/Non-Argument and matching definitions. What’s wrong with me that I’m frozen and can’t come up with the answers when I clearly know them?
Test anxiety. It gets me all the time.
Maybe I’m just being a bit of a complainosaurus rex. Because I decided to study a week before exams instead of a little everyday after class. So if I failed because I studied in a chunk instead of in bits, it’s my fault entirely… right? Or do I have faulty logic? (which would then show why I can’t pass the logic test).
Call me Stressosaurus Rex. I stress. For no reason. Especially when it comes to school, as I said before. But now I think it’s more than just school.
I used to just stress all the time because my dad had the most infamous “when are you graduating?” question. And I didn’t have an answer. Now that I have an answer, I don’t know how to answer his new question of “what are you going to do now?”.
Since it is my last semester, and still haven’t done any applications for any schools, I’m stuck now trying to look for a job. And this is stressing me just as much as wondering what I got on my Logic test. What if I can never get out of retail? What if I can’t move up in retail? What if I just keep making lateral moves?
What if, in reality, I never accomplish anything?
2 comments:
Test anxiety sucks. I had to leave a test once because I was freaking out so much. I even get anxiety on take home tests. They're take home, what am I worried about.
"What are you going to do now" is the hardest question I've ever had to face. I still don't have an answer.
aww Ling..don't beat yourself up about it too much..but to answer your last questions you should just sit and think what do you want to do and not what you think everybody expects you to do.....sooo grab a juice box and watch some gangland...take some tension off yourself :)
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