Listen, I love my friends, and I like helping them and lead them down a better path. But, I don’t like being asked for my advice if it’s not going to be taken. Or at least considered.
On that note, let’s get into this….
My friend was dating this guy for about a year and a half. They met in a class and hit it off. Love at first sight type deal. He was her first everything.
They recently broke up because they both had some sort of insecurity issue about the other cheating … and from what I gathered, it was something about a text message my friend’s friend sent her boyfriend from my friend’s phone. Did I lose you?
My friend has been having a hard time getting her ex to be “just friends”.
The problem is, he still loves her. She doesn’t love him.
After she asked me (which was a day after my other friend had asked me her FWB situation), I rolled my eyes and told her what I thought. I told her that as long as he still LOVED her, it wasn’t a good idea to be friends.
At first I thought she was going to follow my advice….
Today she told me that she told him they could be fuck buddies. But she quickly realized that it was a bad idea. In her words “now he’s getting attached, and it’s not what I want”.
“Duh, because he still loves you. And you’re basically leading him on…” I responded.
“I know! What do I do?”
Now, here I just paused, I didn’t know what to say. It just kept going through my head “GO BACK IN TIME AND CUT TIES LIKE I TOLD YOU TO!” And I understand that it’s hard. Both of their families are involved, and it’s just a mess… but still.
All I heard throughout the relationship and subsequent breakup was “he wants me to be something I’m not”.
“Here’s the thing,” I told her, time and time again, “You shouldn’t have to feel like you need to change for anybody. And if he wants you to change something that you don’t want to, you don’t have to”. But this fell on deaf ears all those times.
Although I didn’t really want to tell her this again, I did. Mostly because she gave me puppy dog eyes and asked me again “what should I do?” So I did. “You practically fucked yourself up, dude. You’re leading him on, and he probably thinks this is a road for you guys to get back together… and because you don’t want to, you’re basically hurting him more. And in the end, you’re both going to end up hurt. Just rip it off like a band-aid, it’ll sting at first, but it’s better to do it fast”.
So we both went to our respective classes after lunch, and in the middle of my lecture, I get a text message saying “we’re back together”. Except, I told you to do the opposite. I know it’s only a matter of time before I’m telling her to cut ties again. But, I kind of feel sorry for this guy. I mean, he’s like super attached to this one girl who was infatuated with him for a while and then lost all emotional feeling and only stayed with him for the “good sex” and the presents he gave her - this is a story for a different day.
Honestly, the both can do better. They both deserve better. But, if I say anything, no one’s going to listen.
05 April, 2011
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4 comments:
Wow, I hate girls like this. I mean she doesn't take any of your advice, does exactly what she doesn't want to do, and in a week this whole ordeal will start all over again.
you need several martinis for dealing with this.
Is there any point in giving this girl advice? She is clearly just going to do her own thing. Which is a shame because you are spot on in what you are saying! I think you should give relationship advice, you just need to find people that will listen haha
Yeah, I'm with Rose. I just want these sorts of chicks to not bother me with their ish.
Oh this happens with me too and it is so so irritating!!!
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