You're gonna get Alt-F4'd

Why do Facebook friends get mad when you don’t wish them a happy birthday?

I do check my Facebook everyday, but I’m not there to wish you a happy birthday. I’m really just there for selfish reasons. You know, like reading my wall, and seeing who has liked my status.

But look, I have some guidelines to how I wish happy birthday to people…

Family: My family will get a personal phone call and/or a birthday card mailed via USPS. Because I care.


BFF’s: Will get an email/Twitter Shout-Out/Facebook wall message/Text message, and if their birthday happens to be on a weekend, they will definitely get a drunk dial from me. Because I care.

BF’s (a peg below BFF’s, where BFF means Best Friend(s) Forever and BF means Best Friend(s) …): An e-card from Someecards.com and quite possibly a sober phone call.

The BF: Text, phone call, card, present and quality time. And if I have extra time, a baked good.

Friends: Facebook wall happy birthday wish.

If I’ve spoken to you twice in your entire life, chances are I’m not going to tell you happy birthday. It’s not that I don’t care. I’m just like, not really interested in telling you to have a great day on your birthday. Is the number of people who tell you happy birthday a better feeling than being told the same thing by people who care about you in real life?

And if we’re facebook friends and you expect me to say happy birthday… uh wow, there is something wrong with you. And if we’re still facebook friends, just know it’s because I’ve been too lazy to delete you from my friends list.