Get to know me, kinda, or not.

To get myself back into the blogging mode for 2012, I've enlisted some of my favorite bloggy pals to ask me some questions that I will answer below. So if you have any questions for me, you can ask them in the comments section and I will answer them later this week.

Tits: "If train a leaves Chicago going 50 mph, and train b leaves Memphis going 60 mph and train c leaves LA going 45 mph, when are you going to dance around in your underwear for a vlog?

I was never good at these sorts of math problems. In high school, I used to just draw the little diagram on the sheet of paper, the little box with rate, distance, mph ... I don't know if I ever got credit for it. But anyway .... Rate X Distance = WHENEVER YOU WANT ME TO! I did have a weekly vlog... maybe I should start that up again.

Ginny: "Will you make out with me?"

Yes. Please. Now?

Dave: How does one go about making a sentient toaster oven?

I don't think I have an answer to that. My only guess would be to have a dead person's soul go into the toaster oven. Sort of like this:

Rocket: What sucks more a leech or Ryan Seacrest?

Uh .... Ryan Seacrest. You know why? Because he brought this upon us:

Why RYAN? DO YOU HATE AMERICA? YOU MUST!

Would you rather get hit in the crotch or the boobs?

Contrary to popular belief, it does hurt when a girl is hit in the crotch. Seriously. Maybe not as much as it hurts a guy, but enough to incite some unnecesary pain. I also got hit in the boob once with a soccer ball and had a huge bruise for about 2 weeks. It turned all sorts of colors... purple, black, greenish-yellow... But to answer the question... I think I'd rather get hit in the crotch.

Texts conversations III

Last week, my sister got a text from someone she didn't know inviting her over to have Greek food with someone's grandmother.  They also informed her that Mel was back in town, and he was also going to have Greek food with the person's grandmother. 

Being the trickster I am, I decided I would text this person to see if I was invite to dinner too. 

Apparently, my name is now John.

Did you know that my boyfriend is a huge Packers fan? Well, yeah. He is. I know! And I'm a huge Bears fan. This is me making fun of their recent loss:

Think Pregnant Thoughts, Pt. 2

I decided not to take a second test right away. Even though it was slowly killing me inside to still be unsure. Stupid invalid test!

I tried my best not to think about it. Like, because I would just end up driving myself crazy. Good thing I had a ton of movies I wanted to watch. This totally helped. But even after watching Rango and Super 8, I kept thinking about it.

Finally, I decided it was just best to go to sleep. But I wasn’t allowed to. I was forced to watch Pay it Forward. Which by the way, I hate that movie. It made me cry. A lot. I hate when kids die in movies, it’s just not right. Originally, my plan was to take the test, get a negative and the get drunk off what was left from the bottle of Ciroc I got my boyfriend for his birthday.

I woke up with the sudden urge to pee. So I got up and killed two birds with one stone. And just so that I wouldn’t get an invalid result for the second time, I pee’d on it a little more. I was relieved no one was awake yet, because for some reason, whenever you’re trying to be sneaky, you’re apparently very loud. At least the boyfriend’s roommates were not 2 feet away from me. (Honestly, I don’t think they were even home).

I walked back to the bedroom and placed the test on the dresser, and told myself “THINK PREGNANT THOUGHTS!”. I just stood there. Staring at the stick. Watching the control window develop it’s little line.

“DON’T THINK PREGNANT THOUGHTS!” as I paced back and forth. I ended up stubbing my toe on a chair and whimpered like a puppy, and woke up my boyfriend. He saw the pregnancy test on the dresser and he hugged me, not even knowing if it was positive or not.

“I think we can look at it now. It’s been like 10 minutes”.

“If it’s been like 10 minutes, why haven’t you looked at it?!”

“Because I was too scared to look at it myself, duh!”.

He laughed at me.

We finally looked at it.

NOT PREGNANT!

While I let out a HUGE sigh of relief, I felt kind of sad. Maybe this is what it feels like when you’re ready or just a little grown up.

Since it was still pretty early in the morning, I decided to go back to sleep. While I was trying to go back to Dreamland, I told my boyfriend, “what if there is a baby in there, and he’s just playing Hide-N-Seek?”.

I didn’t even get a giggle.

Think Pregnant Thoughts, Pt. 1

For the last couple of weeks I’ve been feeling kind of funny. And doing things that I don’t normally do, like sleeping and eating alot. Mentioning this to my boyfriend automatically made him think I was pregnant.

So for an entire week, I couldn’t get this notion out of my head:

Am I pregnant? Am I not pregnant? What if I am? But if I’m not, that’s okay too.

So I thought about how depressing it would be if I had a baby at this very moment. Don’t get me wrong, I want kids, I really do, but I have student loans that I have to start paying plus credit cards that need to be paid off, all while trying to save for a car and to move out. I don’t think I’d be as sad as my bank account would be.

Tuesday, the boyfriend and I decided Friday we’d find out.

I started to work out a plan if for whatever reason things kept going as unplanned.

Wednesday - Worst day of my life. Maybe it was just the idea of possibly being pregnant that I couldn’t think straight. The day was moving unbelievably slow, and all I could think about was babies. All baby everything. So after a while, I just started looking at baby clothes on the internet.

Thursday - More thoughts about babies. I finally began to freak out. I almost thought about taking a pregnancy test by myself, but thought I would have a nervous breakdown if I saw that it was positive and no one was there to calm me down.

And it was finally Friday!

By Friday, it was something different. While I was scared that I may be a mom in the near future, I wasn’t as scared as I was earlier that week.

The boyfriend and I went to dinner so that he could calm me down a little (though I wasn’t as scared, I was still very scared).

I just kept thinking about what I would tell my parents “you’re going to be grandparents, again!” I also imagined how cute it would be for my baby nephew to have a little cousin to grow up with.

While at dinner, I was looking through my wallet (I always do this at restaurants, I think it’s a fear of not knowing if I’ll have enough to pay the bill - another irrational fear of mine). I found a fortune from a fortune cookie from about 3 months ago… I read it and immediately got mad.

“Remember this date three months from today, you’ll receive good news”

That freaking little old lady from he Chinese restaurant would so totally jinx me by giving me that cookie. And of course, I was all like “the test is so going to say I’m pregnant”.

The first joke: “Wouldn’t it be funny, if I were pregnant, we go back to the Chinese restaurant 9 months later and tell the little old lady, ‘remember that fortune cookie you gave me? Yeah, then *that* happened”. I didn’t get a laugh.

We drove to the most unorganized Walgreen’s in the world. I mean, nothing is near anything it would be by! (let me know if that made sense, because it did in my head, but not so much when saying it out loud). Usually, the female hygienic stuff is by the pharmacy, but at this Walgreen’s pads, condoms, fertility tests and pregnancy tests are all by school supplies. How does that even make sense?!

After spending $35 on I don’t know what, we finally went back to his house. Even though I really had to pee, I couldn’t go take the pregnancy test at that very moment. His roommates were putting up their Christmas tree. I felt awkward enough just going to pee while they were decorating their tree 2 feet away from me.

After an entire day of feeling okay with the possibility of being pregnant, I started to freak out. Like massively. I just asked the same questions over and over again “what are we going to do with a baby with hardly any money?”, “what are we going to tell our parents?” …. And my calm boyfriend said “we’ll figure it out when we actually know”. There was like 20 minutes of this. If the boyfriend had not been so calm, I think I would have ripped out all my hair.

It finally died down a little outside his bedroom. I took this as my cue to go to the bathroom. “How the hell am I going to bring this back out? I can’t just bring it out of the bathroom like nothing… your roommates are going to ask you a bunch of questions…”. I went it, and did it like nothing. But, while in the bathroom I go so nervous. Everything just went horribly wrong. It is surprisingly hard to pee on a stick.

I placed the pee stick on the counter while I cleaned up. First, the toilet paper fell off the thing that was holding it. The roll just kept rolling everywhere. I was dying knowing that his roommates were close to the bathroom probably hearing me dropping everything I touched.

Being a nice person, I didn’t just roll the toilet paper back, I cut off the squares that touched the floor and wrapped the pee stick with that toilet paper. I wet my face a little and scrunched up some toilet paper to make it look like I just grabbed a bunch of toilet paper to blow my nose.

I walked back into the bedroom and placed the pee stick on the dresser. I just stared at it. Nothing was happening. Thirty minutes and both windows were blank. What does that mean?!

Invalid. You have to take another test.